Friday, September 16, 2011

Confessions Of A Tired Mom

Ok, this blog is going to be straight from the heart/ gut- and it might be a little too truthful. But I'm not one for hiding what I'm feeling or thinking so here I go:

I LOVE being a mom- it's the best thing ever and I hope God blesses us with another bambino to love and cherish eventually (after Jack is at least 2!) and I love my kids something fierce- there are not words. BUT I AM TIRED, and I'm struggling with feeling really selfish right now. Like all I can think about is sleeping- that would seriously be amazing- to go to sleep when I wanted, without having to bathe, feed, and put little people in bed. AND without having to pump. (Sidenote: I despise pumping. But my freezer would make you think otherwise. But pumping equals freedom and friend nights and date nights, among other things...) AND the best part of all? Waking up when I wanted to- like when my eyes and my body were ready. But even if someone wonderful and really trustworthy like my mom took my kids away for a night or two, I don't think I'd sleep through the night anyway- I'd be too antsy and I'm so trained to NOT sleep through the night, that I honestly think it would take practice.

I'm also dreaming about reading a book. And I don't mean reading scheduled around nap time or while I'm feeding a baby- I mean, cuddled up on the couch while it's a little chilly, wearing pj's, with a cup of tea reading. Like cover to cover in a day reading. I used to do that, back in the day.

Last Saturday, while driving my MINIVAN with my husband who we picked up from work so he could go to lunch with us, and our 3 (THREE!) boys who were all making noise, I turned to Chad and said "Sometimes I still wish I was still in college." And I meant it in regards to the UGA game- I love football and game days, especially in Athens, but once I said it, I kept thinking about it. I think because there was peace and quiet then and it was all about me: if I was hungry, I ate, if I was tired, I slept, if I wanted to hang out with friends, I just did, without any planning or finding a sitter.

My days are consumed with preparation for whatever is coming next. And I usually do it while holding an adorable chubby man, and finagling a very smart, very busy toddler, who loves hanging on my leg and doing whatever I'm doing. And try as I may, I can never make it to bed until at least 2 hours after Max goes to bed- it takes that long every night to get ready for the next day, sheesh- which includes pumping, my nemesis as I mentioned above. I'm also amazed at how quickly personal hygiene has plummeted on my priority list.

And all of this isn't even mentioning all the thinking about my mom job: is Max learning enough? Is Jack eating enough? Is Gabe making good choices at school? I feel like I'm researching something everyday to make sure I have all the facts- when to start solids, should we get the flu shot, the best way to potty train, what the bible says about this and that.

And then I stumble across this and summed it all up for me and I pinned it on my pinterest but for now, a screenshot:


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