Tips From A (very) Pregnant Mom

You've all heard that the pregnant lady doesn't really appreciate being touched by strangers. It's true- she doesn't. It's weird and awkward, mainly because the belly is still attached to the body- something you wouldn't normally touch. 

But let's be honest, I don't know if it's because of word of mouth or if it's because people started thinking, but this doesn't really happen that often. It's usually someone you know and they usually ask first, and if you're a mom already, you're used to little hands all over you, so what's a little ohh and ahhh and pat on the belly from someone you know? 

Not a big deal.

But what is a big deal are the questions I get asked regularly this go around... at first I laughed, because who would really say these things in public to strangers? And now it's happened so many times, it's all I can do to keep my hormonal, smart mouthed self from saying things that would scar us all for a long time. So here's a list of things you should NOT say to a pregnant lady...

Obviously, I have 3 boys in tow with me 90% of the time. They're blond and really cute and they're all boys, I know.  And then at least once a week, if not more, I add another Spiva boy or two to my crew. I like it that way. I doesn't stress me out and the "chaos" that you see doesn't even make a blip on my radar. I prefer to keep them buckled in and wrangled in some way or another at all times, but I do totally understand that the noise alone can cause outsiders to peek... and then stare and gawk as they count 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 boys... and she's pregnant. But regardless of how many children a pregnant lady appears to have the following is not acceptable:

1) "You do know how that happens, right?"

.... umm yes, I do, as does my husband. All of these boys have been planned down to the exact month they were conceived and we're overwhelmed by the blessing of being their parents.

2) "You hope that one is a girl, right?" (while pointing to my belly)

... not as much as you do! Being a boy mom is super fun, and if we were insistent on a girl, we would've gotten a puppy, which you can pick... but instead we've left it up to the Creator of the Universe. Ruffles and bows will be super fun, but so will raising 4 boys.

3) Upon being told that we're not finding out the gender "but don't you need to prepare yourself if it's another boy?"

... actually no, we're all stocked up on the boy stuff, it's the girl that will really throw us off!

4) "What will you do if it's a boy?"

... be thrilled to death, just like we will if it's a girl

Now you're probably having a hard time believing that strangers are saying these things to me, but they are-- I've heard them ALL more than once!!  And I know that some people think they're funny- but really it's not funny. It's my real life and I really love it. 

Feel free to add to the list if you've got more... maybe this list can help protect unsuspecting strangers from getting pummeled by a nice sweet pregnant lady!

Loves you Most! And Best Friends...

Max and I play this game often, but today's version was especially cute....

Me: Max, who loves you?

Max: You do!

Me: Who else?

Max: Um.... Reed!

Me: Yep, who else?

Max: Danielle

Me: Uh huh, who else?

Max: Annie.... and Izzy (Lizzy) and Anna and Daddy!

Me: You're right! But who loves you most?

Max: You do!

Me: I love you A LOT, but God loves you most!

Max: Does he like to hug me?

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Me: Max, who are your friends?

Max: Haven!

Me: Yeah, who else? Tell me all of them.

Max: You are.... and Pop, and Daddy, and Reed and Lizzy.

Me: Max, who is your best friend?

Max: Eli!

Me: No, Jesus is your best friend!

Max: Yeah.... and Eli!

Say What?! Some of Max's Finest

When the sun was shining in the room through the window, making all the little dust specks in the air appears, Max says, "Oh Mom, look at all those frweetos!"(Mosquitos)

When Baby Grant came to play for a couple hours while Jill had a meeting, I changed three poopy diapers in a row- two of Grant's and then one of Jack's. On the last diaper, Max inquired what was in that one. When I told him poopy he said, "Poopy again? That's disgusting!" (Where did he even learn that word???)

While talking about God, and the "Praise God" song we sing (Doxology) I asked Max if he knew why we praised God. He said he didn't know so I used his arms and said It's because God is SO big, SO strong, and SO awesome. After a minute I asked, "Now who is big, strong and awesome?" and Max replied, "Max is!" I said, "NOOOOOO, who is big, strong, and awesome?" He yelled, "I AM, MOM!"

Chad sat on the steps in the garage while holding Jack and gave Max step by step instructions for feeding my brother's dog who lives with us right now. When Max got back in the house, he brushed off his hands and said, "Whew, that was hard work."

Jack was fussing in the living room while I was in the kitchen getting food together. I asked Max to go check on him and then I hollered "What's wrong with our baby, Max?" He came back into the kitchen with a droopy face and said, "It's because he doesn't like me, Mom."

On Sunday, after arriving at Brad and Lisa Weaver's house for dinner, Lisa who was literally 12 hours away from delivering baby (we didn't know that at the time!) scooted into the bathroom for her every 10-minute potty break, and Max looked a me and said "Isa having her baby now?"

Say What?! Borked

A couple times a day, Max brings me a toy or do-dad of some sort, and holds it up saying "I borked it". Clearly he means that he broke it- but he prefers to use the word "borke".

Now here's my dilemma- I love this made up word of his- I love that that's what he hears when someone talking about breaking or something being broken. I'm not sure if it's the configuration of his face and mouth when he makes this word or his little voice that I love so much, but regardless, it's one of my favorite things and I may or may not purposely break things just to hear it said.

So how do I make sure this stays around for a while? Do I go on like it's normal and not draw any attention to it? Or do I change my own use of the word to "borke" to reinforce it's use? I want to make sure he doesn't ever realize that he's pronouncing it incorrectly... at least not for a year or two!

Here's the deal- Please, no one fix this. I LOVE it when things get borkened!

Say What?! Dumber than a 2 year old

The first started about a week ago.  When I'd ask/ tell Max to do something that he didn't want to do he'd respond with "I can't do it"-- make sure you read that in your best 2 year old whiny voice.

My Instructions: Max, clean up your toy.

Max's Response: I can't do it!

My Instructions: Max, let's go take a bath.

Max's Response: I can't do it!

My Instructions: Max, time to head home.

Max's Response: I can't do it!

Are there any words that make a mother's skin crawl more? Oh how I cringe at that statement.

So I started explain, "Max, it's not the you can't do it- you can- you just don't want to.  You need to say "I don't want to".

(Obviously I wasn't thinking when I was teaching him to sass me- but I was trying to get him to understand the difference, not to back talk me. But if he does say it, I may just respond with "well you're not the boss!" just for kicks. No?)

Anyway, so after this round and round of him telling me that he can't and me responding that he could but he just didn't want to, he found a fix that trumped it all:

My Instructions: Max, pick your cup up, it's spilling on the couch.

Max's Response: I can't want to

My Instructions: Max, eat your sandwich.

Max's Response: I can't want it.

At that point, I realized I was dumber than a 2 year old. I had no come back for the kid- I mean at least he was honest-- he clearly couldn't bring himself to want to obey.

Say What?! Sleans

On Friday, I had Gabe try on some new clothes that my mom had gotten for him. I thought I heard him call the pants "sleans" but I thought surely I was mistaken and went on.

Saturday rolled around and I told Gabe to go put on a certain pair of pants before we headed out the door and I could've sworn he said "sleans" again, but then I decided that it is my birth-month, which means I'm getting closer and closer to 30, so maybe my ears were failing me and I shrugged it off. Again.

Then Sunday morning, I was scurrying to get all the boys ready and Gabe came down the stairs in the clothes I had laid out for him and the jeans he had on (that he got at the very end of last season, that had been worn about 3 times total) were MAJOR high waters. So I sent him back upstairs and gave him specific instructions on which pair of pants he needed to put on so then he came into the kitchen holding the pants and said "You mean these sleans?"

I stopped dead in my tracks:

Me: What did you call those?
Gabe: Sleans.
Me: Sleans?
Gabe: Yes, sleans, why?
Me: Gabe, those are called jeans- how did you get to be 8 years old and not know what these are called?
Gabe: I thought they were called sleans- jeans for skinny people.
Me: Sleans? Gabe, you made that word up.
Gabe: Oh! I didn't know I did.

And he turned and walked away. At this point,  I couldn't contain myself- this is the same kid who has had a VERY extensive vocabulary since I met him at age 3! I was laughing so hard that he came back down the stairs. He looked at me for a second and then started giggling too.

Then once we calmed down, I told him that when I finished my diet that I was going to wear sleans too :)

Say What?! What??

Several mornings ago, I was in the kitchen working on breakfast with a toddler underfoot and a baby in my arms, overwhelmed by the piles and things to do that were surrounding me.  Chad walked in and I put him to work by asking him to put the water bottles I had just bought into the fridge. He must've seen the harried look on my face, because he didn't say a word.  He just got to work.

And then I turned around to see this:

And I just stood there gawking. (Luckily the camera was STILL on the counter from vacation so I could capture this moment)

And Chad looked at me and said, "what?"

Really Chad?  This situation deserves a "what?"  Do I really need to explain?

At the time, it was purely his means of getting the job done that caught me off guard, not his black shorts, blue LONG SLEEVE shirt (in August), brown stripped slipper socks that were his mom's (truth!) or his river shoes. But thank goodness that I got this pictures to take it ALL in.

Yep, that's how my man rolls!

Literally!

Say What?! Manners

Yesterday during potty training day, my boy was full of manners:

I walked into his room first thing and snatched him out of his big boy bed and gave him a huge hug.  He responded to the hug by saying "I love you" and squeezing me-- what a what to start the day!

Then later, when helping me with baby Jack, I said, "Thanks Max for your help" and he responded "welcome!"

Anytime I would hand him something or get his milk for him he would give me a resounding "Thanks!"

While we were enjoying some Mickey Mouse Clubhouse on the couch I sneezed and Max looked at me and said "bless you Mom!"

While helping him build a tower (with his pizza no less) I gave him a suggestion and he said "that's a great idea!"

BUT when I asked him to say please, he responded "I can't do it, I can't do it Mom".

Eh hem.... stubborn... eh hem.

Say What?! 2 year olds... ay yi yi

Someone must've given Max the message that he's two... which coincides with a major attitude!

In the last week, he's started a few new fancy sassy phrases:

When I tell him to do something, he replies "I not do that".  For example, "Max let's go get dressed so we can go run our errands. " He replies, "No, I NOT do that."

When asked how old he is, he insists that he's three, even though I tell him MANY times that he is two. Apparently he knows more than I do!

When help is offered for him he states (with a BIG attitude) "I do it myself". For example, we went to Target to pick out his new bike, and he had to ride is all my himself from the back corner of the store, to the opposite front corner of the store. And anytime I bent down to help, he would stare me down and say "I do it myself." This caused many people to walk slowly behind us commenting on how cute and funny he was- but really, they were all remembering when they had a two year old and they were all glad it was me and not them :)

Say What?! Livin the Dream

Last night, we went out for dinner because I didn't want to cook- thank you Chad! And by the time we got home, it was time to get everyone bathed and headed towards bed. Chad took care of Jack and then made his way to the couch to snuggle him and watch the Braves games. I bathed Max, chased his naked hiney around, got his teeth brushed, read his two books and plopped him in his bed. Then I headed downstairs and began to pick up toys when I looked over a Chad who had this big grin on his face. I looked to the tv and it was a really lame commercial so I asked his why he was laughing at it. He told me that he wasn't. So naturally I asked why he had that grin then. He motioned towards Jack who was asleep in his arms and he said, "I'm just livin the dream".

And he meant it! My heart smiled. We are so blessed!

Say What?! Copy Cat

On Wednesday, Max woke up from his nap super cranky. He was whiny and clingy and very high maintenance which is very abnormal for Max. Chad got home a few minutes before dinner and noticed rather quickly how foul Max was being.  And then my brother Eli got to our house too (he's staying with us right now, as a gypsy, as he figures out his next steps in life) and Max fussed at him too.  We sat down for dinner and the cranky pants did not stop- he was a booger, like the real obnoxious deal! So Chad says "why is my two year old so whiny?"  To which I replied "you answered it with your own question-- he's two!"  And Eli said, "well he's as smart as a four year old" and I replied "emotionally he is two!"  And Max screams "EMOTIONALLY" and starts giggling.

Then later I was taking Max upstairs to change his diaper and he didn't like that plan.  He told me "no no no no!" And so I laid him on the changing table and I said guess what?  And he stopped his no's for an emphatic "what?" And I told him he wasn't the boss, that mommy was the boss and he thought for .25 seconds and got a stricken look on his face and said "oh no!"  HA!

Lastly, Max only napped for about 30 minutes in the car yesterday. We were out and about, so he never made it to his bed and those darn car naps are always short.  So about an hour after dinner, he came and found me with his "Kiss Goodnight" book in hand- that's the book we read every night before bed.  He asked me to read it to him, and he even wanted it read in his bed-- he was putting himself to bed and choosing his own bedtime- SWEET!  Anyway, I got some pj's out of his drawer, stripped him down, and then he sat in my lap so I could pull his pj pants on him.  As quickly as he sat down, he jumped back up and said "Mommy's legs hurt!".... my legs were super prickly and in need of a razor... oh how I love the honesty of children- keeps you humble, that's for sure!

Say What?! Max-ism

I love when Max comes up to me and reaches his arms up and say "my hold you"-- of course he is meaning for me to hold him, but I shall NOT correct him!

He uses "my" in place of "I" all the time, too.  For instance "my draw?" means "can I draw?"

When he's done eating, Max will say "I all done, get you."  No, he isn't wanting to get me... he's wanting me to get him! This is because when he says he's done, I say, "Ok, I'll get you"-- so he's saving me a step, and smashing it all together.  He wants to make sure I know that he is ready to be gotten, but his use of pronouns just tickles me!

Max loves Lollipops... we go through a big bag of dumdums every couple months-- and he calls them B-pops.  Not sure why-- maybe that's how "lolli" sounded when I first said it- or maybe it because everything he loves starts with a b-- but regardless, at our house, we eat B-pops.

Max calls baby wipes "wipe it's" and he loves them.  He's always asking for a "wipe it" and then he'll wipe his whole body, my body- even my feet, his car seat, the couch, anything!  He uses wipe-it's so much, that often his hair looks wet when he's done.

Say What?! The Telephone

I've got a huge secret:  I'm very nosy.  Are you shocked?  No?

Well being nosy has been passed to my son-- the kid is picking up all my  best traits :)

I use my in the car time to catch up on phone calls.  Life at home is pretty busy, and I'm not a huge phone talker anyway, but there are a few of my peeps that I just must keep up with, so that's what I do in the car.  Max, my little chatty cathy, sits in the back, to my right, and comments on what he sees out the window, appearing to be oblivious to the fact that I'm on the phone, but for the past few months, as soon as I hang up, he goes "Daddy?"  As in, were you talking to Daddy?  And if I say no, then he says "Annie" (who is his Granny Annie, my mom.  And if I say no again, then he gives one final guess, waivering between "Anna?" and "Nan-ielle?" (Danielle).  If for some reason it's still a no, he just looks away, like he's over it.  Over me.

Well recently, I must've been throwing him off-- talking to my little brother and my BFFA Ruth, calling and making doctors appointments, etc.... So today, as we drove and I went down the list of my phone calls, every time I hung up, he would skip the guessing and say "Who dat?"  I'd answer him, and he would nod, like he was giving me the ok, and go back to his window watching.

What a little nosy rosy, needing to know who I was talking to!  Crack me up!  Just another reminder that little eyes and ears are tuned in to my every move...

 

Say What?! Melt My Heart Edition

Since Max was about a year old, I've been trying to teach him "I love you".  Of course it involves hand motions as well... I (point to your eye) love (cross arms over chest) you (point to Max).  I do this all the time and it makes him giggle.  But just like his manners, it's like his tongue is unable to form such words.  Of course, he can say helicopter and ambulance and dinosaur, among other things, but "please, thank you, and I love you" escape him.  And Max is not a child the performs on command-- if you ask him to say something, it's a sure fire way to make sure he won't say it.  (Maybe I should remember this for when he learns his first bad word.....)

Anyway, last night, I got home around 9pm from getting my hair cut and Max was getting his pjs on (with Daddy's help of course).  So I went in his room and finished up the job, and we laid down to read a book.  His current favorite book for bedtime is "Kiss Goodnight" which my mom got him.  There is a little bear named Sam that doesn't go to bed until his Mom kisses him 10 times.  And of course, when Sam gets a kiss in the book, Max gets one too!  Well after reading, I gave Max a hug, and he squeezed me and groaned to demonstrate how big the hug was.... then he said "IIIIIIIIIIIIIIII loooooooooove YOU!"- with hand motions and pointed to me.

And I cried.

Seriously.

BEST WORDS EVER!

Say What?

Because I am printing a copy of my blog each calendar year, for my boys to read and laugh about when they get older, I am adding a new section to my blog:

"Say What?"  And they're going to be quotes and funny things the boys say.  It's not going to be a huge whole blog post, but if I don't do this as they happen, then I can't remember all the funny things they say and do-- but there are things that just shouldn't be forgotten!

For instance, when Gabe was smaller, Chad was teasing him and he said "Daddy, are you joking me up?" And Max loves looking outside for Mudder fags (butterflies) and Chip punks (chip munks) and calls Grandma and Grandpa "Grandpa" despite our corrections.  Also, when Chad gets home from work, he asks if they can go practice at the dribin range-- meaning can they go to the driving range to play golf... he's not even 2!  And Jack always says... just kidding, he's only 7 weeks old, come on!

So for the first entry:  this morning we headed to the doctor because Max has been stuffy and junky and whiny and gooey eyed for several days, come to find out he needed a prescription of amoxicillian, so we stopped at Target to get it filled on the way home.  As we left the store, the person parked in front of me backed out so I was pumped about a pull through opportunity-- it's the little things :)  But as I was driving thru, I hit a HUGE cement median dividing the parking spaces.... oops.  Being prideful and all, I just put it in reverse and acted like nothing happened despite the loud scraping noise and whip lash we all received.  Max started laughing and said "Mommy crashed! Uh oh Mommy."

Thanks for humbling me Max!  And then I giggled all the way home.