Jealousy has been on my mind a lot lately. It's kind of a funny thing-- our God is jealous because He is THE creator of the universe and maker of everything in it and wants us to only worship Him. Being that he is God, that makes sense. Who/ what else is there to worship besides God? But in our earthly bodies and lives, jealousy seems to take on a whole new form!
I remember when Chad and I were dating, I wanted him to at least be a little jealous over things-- like some guy having a crush on me or some guy hitting on me at a restaurant- but he was very secure and really just didn't even fall for it for one second. Now that I am his, and he is mine, and he tries to play "jealous"- it just makes me laugh. The other night I was going out with my girl friends and we got all dressed up, and he acted jealous that he wasn't the one going with me. Let's be honest- if he wanted me dressed up, he would take me somewhere fancy- but our nights on the town usually consist of jeans- and we like it that way!
There is always the life stage jealousy-- I know it's worse for us women-- but when you're single, you are jealous of those getting married, then when you're newly weds, you want the baby, and then when you have it all, we talk to the youngsters with a "you're living the life" attitude. I guess it's a good case of the grass is always greener!
Right now I'm struggling with skinny girls. I am that girl who STARES at other girls with the great figures-- I'm sizing up my own kind-- what is my problem? Others want the house their friend has, or the job, or the wardrobe. I know there isn't just one kind of jealousy-- but it does seem to be pretty rampant. Why does our flesh want what others have or what we think will make us happy? And where did it come from?
There is one particular thing that sparked my analysis of jealousy: Last week, we had two different visitors. On Thursday, sweet baby Reed came over so his parents could go celebrate their anniversary. I thoroughly enjoyed the little guy. Once I put Max to bed for the night, I sat on the couch and held him, while he slept. And we just sat there, happy and cuddled up. But it was before Max's bedtime that caused the problem...
Max was on the floor playing and I was holding Reed-- problem!! Max was not happy. So I laid Reed on a blanket on the floor and began to play with him... below is the play by play of what happened:
That's right, Max SAT on his friend because he didn't want to share his mommy!
The next morning, little Haven came over. Haven is ALL smiles. Life is good, all the time, for Haven-- he just has the best disposition. When Haven arrived, Max was sleeping, so Gabe decided to entertain:
When Max got up, he would cry anytime I was holding Haven, so I just had to leave them playing on their own.
As long as I left them on their own, they were fine. They crawled all over each other, dumped toys out, passed toys back and forth and were fine and dandy. THEN Gabe's friend came over and they started to play in the living room as well, and the little boys just had to have what the big boys had: Uno cards!
And the big boys absolutely did not want to share. We eventually worked things out- but wheeeeewweee!
So who taught my baby to be jealous? What makes him think he needs to vie for my attention? Why does he want to hold all the toys- especially the things being held by someone else? I know that we are all fallen people and that we are sinners- but I hate seeing it play out in my son. I wish he could stay innocent a little longer- I wish he didn't act on those feelings-- and really, I wish he didn't even have those feelings! Does this mean he's already insecure? Yuck!
Hopefully, I am able to teach Max about God, who loves Max so much that He sent his only Son to the cross so that Max may live with Him forever, in Heaven, even though Max sins. Hopefully Max knows and basks in the unconditional love of our Perfect Father in Heaven. Hopefully, Max learns at an early age that the love of Christ is more than enough.