Sunday, August 29, 2010

All Boy

As you know, Max recently turned one.  And apparently, he got the memo that he wasn't a baby anymore.  This has been rough for me-- for more reasons than the obvious.  Let me explain...

Not only is he growing older and wrecking my heart- he is turning into a boy.  He climbs things that aren't meant to be climbed, he LOVES being outside-- the dirtier, the better, and he has started getting bruises and scrapes like it's his job.  He's always falling on something, hitting his head on another thing, and manages to bleed at least once a week.  Now I know he's a boy-- but this is really hard for me.  I'm just supposed to let him "be adventurous" even if it's dangerous.  It goes against everything I am. But I'm learning and trying not to "baby" him as Chad says.  But Max is a smart cookie and knows that if he gets hurt, all he has to go is get his bottom lip to quiver a little and I'm THERE!

But it gets worse.  Another boy thing is exploring.  And Max is good at it.  He likes to check out everything in our house, regularly. Sometimes, this is very disgusting.  For example, a couple weeks ago, I was drying my hair and he was crawling around my room. Mid-dry, I flipped my head up and and saw Max sitting on the bathroom floor right beside me... WITH THE WHITE CAP FROM THE BOTTOM OF THE TOILET (the one that covers the screws that hold to toilet on the floor) IN HIS MOUTH.  Now if you've EVER cleaned a toilet, you know that this is the grossest, nastiest, most dirty, horrible, awful thing in the whole house.  And let me repeat, Max had it in his mouth.  I freaked.  I dropped the hair dryer, and scooped him up, yanking the cap from his mouth and throwing it away in one swoop.  I took him to the sink and began washing him with soap and then I used hand sanitizer on his hands, arms, face, and neck.  Excessive?  I think not.  Then once, he was sanitized, I put him back on the floor, and picked back up the dryer as my heart was just beginning to settle after that catastrophe.  And I look to my left, and what do I see?  Max, standing at the toilet, with both arms fully submerged, clapping his hands in the hole where "everything" flushes down.  At that point, I reached a new low.  My "baby" was playing in the toilet- and he was SO proud of himself.

But today, that low, went even lower...

This morning, as we were getting ready for church, Max was sitting on the floor playing.  He was making some noises and he's starting to say words and mock noises that we make, so I started paying close attention to figure out what he was saying.  But he wasn't saying anything.  Instead, he was making fart noises with his mouth and then laughing.  Repeatedly. I kid you not.

I know to some people this isn't a big deal, but I lecture Chad and Gabe over and over again about bodily functions and manners. I am the type of person who does not think burping and farting is funny- I think it's rather gross.  And yes, I understand that everyone does it, but I think ladies should act like ladies and gentlemen should act like gentlemen anytime there is a lady around.  So Chad and Gabe can fart on each other while they wrestle, but only if I'm not around.  Otherwise, you must excuse yourself if possible, or make sure you are discrete when "you can't help it" and then follow it up with an "excuse me".  In my book, the manners from a first date situation should stick- and chivalry is NOT a thing of the past.  We are working to raise gentlemen around here!

Ok, enough of the soap box, but you needed some context for Max's little mouth farting.

So, even though farting is not "funny" at the Bowman house, my little 1 year old intrinsically thought it was funny.  Without any prompting, my sweet, precious baby, was entertaining himself with "potty talk".  So it appears as though I've lost the battle, and I now have to surrender to the fact that all my boys are ALL BOY.  I don't even have Max on my side anymore!

So instead of cuddling, we wrestle.  And instead of rocking, we play catch.  Instead of decorating the house, we spend time making sure sockets are covered and shelves are screwed to the wall.  And the scratch marks on all over my furniture and hard wood floors are seen as "character".

But I do need to point out, that I am LOVED by three men.  And yes, I am bragging.  I am Chad's wife, Gabe's girlfriend (he started this when he was 3 and I was his Dad's girlfriend, and he still tells everyone to this day that I am his girlfriend :) ) and I am THE woman in Max's life as well- and he only has eyes for me!  I guess it's worth the blood and guts and dents and dings.


  1. Guess it's time for a little girl now to help balance things out. :)