Thursday, January 6, 2011

Intimate Conversations

Last night, Chad and I spent some time just talking.  There were no phones, no tv, and the boys were in bed.  It was just us.  And sometimes, you just need that. It was like a 30 minute mini-date.  The conversation went like this...

First of all, I was telling Chad about what I had been reading in the bible.  I've started the read the bible in a year plan, and this particular plan is in chronological order.  So it started with creation (obviously!) and moved to Cain and Abel, then Noah and the Ark, and then where his sons ended up.  Then we jumped to Job.  So I was telling Chad about how Job really freaked me out because it just didn't add up with God's character in my opinion.  I went on to explain that I knew it was just in my head, because God doesn't act out of character, but that I hated that Job had to go through all of that, just because Satan is stupid and I want to punch him in the face.  Chad just looked and me and said "yeah, it's all in your head".


Then we moved to discussing pregnancy.  I had my 16 week doctor appointment yesterday, so I was talking him through my conversation with the doctor.  Then naturally I was discussing how everything on my body was getting bigger and uglier and how this really bothered me because prior to getting pregnant myself, I thought pregnant women were the most beautiful things EVER-- and now they make me want to gag.  Chad says, "Don't gag, what did you expect? This happened last time too".  I choked on my own breath because he just validated that I was bigger and uglier and so Chad said, "You're the one that said uglier, I'm just agreeing with bigger-- and I like bigger."  Then he smirked-- yep, he was talking about "the girls".


So then, due to an argument we had this past weekend, Chad pointed to my head and heart and said "what's going on in here?"  (This weekend I was upset that he wasn't taking time to check in with what was going inside of me, so that was his way of checking in :) )  I replied like Chad used to reply in our dating days. "Not much going on in here".  So then we took a brief trip down memory lane-- I asked if he remembered that I used to ask him ALL the time what he was thinking.  And he would respond, "Not much going on in here" and it annoyed him SO much. Then he thanked me for not asking him that anymore.  And I laughed and joked with him that I didn't care anymore what he was thinking.  Chad retorts, "Yeah, that's because we're married-- now you want to know "What the hell were you thinking????"


Then, Chad went in for a kiss (TMI??) and stopped just before making contact to point out THE DARK CIRCLES under my eyes.  I kid you not.

And when I woke up this morning and remembered all of this, it just cracked me up.  I am in no way insecure when it comes to all of this, I know withOUT a doubt that Chad loves me, just like I am.  And believe it or not, none of these comments made me mad or hurt my feelings.  And I think it's because of intimacy-- being known and knowing someone fully without the fear of rejection-- I know Chad is all in with me, and while I would appreciate him writing me love poems and gawking at my hot-ness too, pointing out my dark circles is real, and real love.  Plus, Chad shows me he loves me all the time-- in how he treats me at home and in front of others, in how he takes care of our kids, and in how he responds to me.  And there is just no one else I'd rather be doing this with! Plus, let's be honest, no matter how hard they try, men are men and say stupid things-- we can't really hold it against them and expect to get anywhere!

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