I'm Still NOT Ready!

So our sweet baby Jack is already 10 days old-- working on 11!  He is a doll-- only cries when he's cold, and just loves being cuddled. And he's beautiful.  I am beginning to realize that this did happen- it is real life that I had a baby 5 weeks early- and now I am living my new normal.  But I just can't get over the fact that I wasn't ready.



Multiple times a day, something happens that reminds me that I hadn't planned for this.  And since I take the word "planner" to the extreme, this is a really big deal.  It almost causes me anxiety to think about what happened and the chaos it could've caused, even though it already happened and we all lived to tell about it, which should prove to you my level of over the top crazy planning-ness. There are things around my house that remind me that I wasn't ready-- and my car is a disaster- I really wanted it deep cleaned before a new baby rode around in it.  I had a few last Max and Mommy things I wanted to do together- my hospital bag never got packed- and I had to go buy Jack's baby book after he arrived... he lost major sleep over this.



Now there are upsides to this- don't get me wrong.  For instance I can lay Max down in his crib, pick up his toys, and sing "Jesus Loves Me" all without running out of breath or having to deal with a big huge belly.  I also already get to hold Jack-- and smell him- oh my, heaven!  And I never had to go to the doctor every week just for them to see me for .45 seconds, listen to Jack's heart, and tell me they'd see me next week.

But even though he's here, and we're all fine, and it's much LESS chaotic then I expected-- and even less chaotic then when I brought home baby #1, I can't help but feeling "not ready".  I just got off the phone with the spa changing my prenatal massage that was set up for this Sunday- when I should be 37 weeks pregnant- to a regular massage because he came 5 weeks early.  The guy on the phone literally laughed and said, "wow, I haven't heard that one before!".  I wasn't ready for my mom to leave either.  She made everything so easy- I didn't even have to think about if I was thirsty, she just brought me water.   She took care of me and all my boys (including Chad who sighed when she left saying "I guess we'll have to figure out our own food now").  I wasn't ready for the influx of laundry or the feeding schedule- which is dramatically more intense with a little baby who isn't allowed to sleep through feedings- even at night.



Don't get me wrong- I knew it was coming- I signed up for this- I really really wanted baby Jack- but I never got big and huge and miserable which leads to being ready.  I never got ready.  I'm still not ready!

But despite my best laid plans and the day I wanted Jack to show up, he's here.  And my heart, it was ready.  It took to loving him in about .0001 seconds.  And I don't kiss Max any less than I did before- but now I kiss Jack equally as much- I think I may need some chap stick.  And last night, when Jack got his first stomach ache that kept him awake for hours in the middle of the night, and Max simultaneously had a rough night because of some new teeth coming, I was completely ready to sit on the couch in the dark, with a boy in each arm, and snuggle.  And I'm not any more tired than I have been?!  And yesterday, I took both boys to my office to meet my co-workers, alone-- that's right-- we were all dressed and fed and clean and happy, at the same time, without even a squawk!

So what's the moral of this story?  Welp, God was ready and He made sure I was ready too-- just on His terms, not my own.  And I realize once again just how in control I am.......... not at all! 

 

Jack Pictures Posted... Round 1!

Ok, not much to say- it's my first day home as a mother of two and I'm worn out but it's wonderful-- oh my goodness, blessings are everywhere I look!! I am so thankful for what God is doing in our family and all my people!  Anyway, here are some pictures of our newest addition- he basically looks like Max- just 2 lbs less :)  I'll do a side by side post in the next day or so....





















And lastly, here is a link of some pictures taken at the hospital, they're adorable-- click on it if you need more :)

http://www.our365.com/NewbornPortraits/BabyDetail.aspx?birthid=6cafb364-a7b7-4cfa-b562-19a8f071dcdb

Surprise! Baby Jack is HERE!

On Friday night, my brother Eli stopped by to drop off his dog because he was going to spend the weekend in Atlanta, bouncing around with his buddies.  He got there in time for dinner, but was going to meet his own friends for dinner, so Chad and I ran out to dinner, super quick, alone, and took advantage of a quick date while Eli was able to stay with Max.  Little did we know that it'd be our "last supper".....

After a easy breezy day at home on Friday- I didn't ever leave the house and I barely left the couch, except for dinner with Chad- I headed to bed early too.  I was asleep by 9:30 and Max was in his big boy bed for the first time :)  We all slept great through the night- but woke with a splash... literally!  Just a few minutes before 6:30am on Saturday morning my water broke- it was so surreal and so unexpected that I didn't even believe it.  Once I gathered my thoughts enough to call the doctor, he told us we need to come to the hospital-- I knew that was the case, but I was hoping there was a magic trick to make this all go away for a few more weeks-- as I mentioned in my last post, I felt good, and we had things to do, ha!!

So instead of my lazy Saturday and Chad taking care of a quick job, we dropped Max at Anna's and headed to the hospital.  I was admitted to the high risk unit immediately and they determined that everything was fine and moved me to regular labor and delivery.  I was hooked up to an IV of fluids and an antibiotic immediately, because of the risk of infection, and then they started me on pitocin to really get my labor going.  As you know, I had been having contractions for weeks, and despite my water breaking, they weren't getting any stronger, so the pitocin was necessary.  Within a couple hours I got my epidural, and spent the day laboring.

As soon as everything began happening on Saturday morning, I called my mom- the original plan was for her to come down for a week with Jack arrived, but I wasn't sure what 5 weeks early would do to her schedule- but she was driving south within the hour, and was to Max by 4:15.  Once we got a hold of my brother Eli, he went and got Max from Anna's and they played at my house until my mom got there....then they went to the grocery store and Dairy Queen :)  Max enjoyed his day sans Mom & Dad!  Obviously Chad was with me, and Kellee, who I had asked to be at Jack's birth, was there too.  The day was SO easy, so laid back, never a scare or a tense moment-- my midwife that I love was on call and wonderful, the nurse was amazing, and even the OB popped in a time or two.  I was so well taken care of, that I never got stressed or even annoyed once.  We had tons of people praying for us and checking on us, and the peace of God was all around us.

By 8pm, I knew it was TIME!  As they walked me through what could happen and why the NICU team would be in the room, and the potential nasal canuala and time Jack would potentially need in the NICU, I did panic and freak out one time- but we prayed, and then it was time to push.  I only pushed for 8 minutes-- yep, only 4 contractions-- and he was here!  Most of my epidural had worn off, even more than with Max, so I was able to move my body and use my legs, etc.... I even walked myself to the bathroom within 30 minutes of delivery and felt GREAT!

Jack was born at 8:35pm, at 5 pounds, 9 ounces, and 19 inches long.  "Big" for being that early, but a teeny tiny handsome man!!  The NICU team checked him out and then packed their stuff and left within 10 minutes-- and never took Jack with them!!  There are a couple extra precautions we have to do, since he's early and small- like blood sugar tests, he has to eat every 2-3 hours even at night, he has a special car seat test he has to pass, etc... but otherwise, he is FANTASTIC and sweet and cuddly and I LOVE HIM!! He gets to go home with us TODAY- like before he is even 48 hours old.  I'm not sure I even have the right words for such a thing, but God is SO amazing-- I've talked about baby Evie born at 31 weeks, and baby Heath born at 29 weeks, and now Jack born at 35 weeks-- and all of them have done (are doing) amazing and blowing doctors away.  These babies were prayed over and God has done amazing things in their stories already.  I get chills just typing it.  It makes me wonder what He has in store for these little guys!

There are so many things I planned to do before Jack arrived- I had just perfected my list on Friday afternoon.  I wasn't ready to be done with work, and Chad's jobs are backing up!  I didn't get my house or my car deep cleaned, and I wasn't ready to be done with work for several weeks.  BUT this has been so cool to watch it all fall into place- Eli was already in town, my mom gets to stay until Memorial Day (Praise the Lord!), my Dad is coming down this weekend, friends were able to help, I had my favorite doctors on call that day, Kellee was able to be there as planned, and even though I don't have all the baby stuff "ready" at the house, it's all there, and I'll have tons of help, and basically Jack is here at just the right time, and again, more perfection to all the things God is working out and working on for us and in us.

Pictures to follow soon-- we don't have our cords here at the hospital :)

(Also, Gabe and Max have both met him and loved on him, and everyone is excited he is here!)

Pregnancy Update

(*** I wrote this on Friday but didn't post it because I wanted Chad to take a picture of me at 35 weeks for this post-- HILARIOUS considering we delivered Jack the next day (Saturday).... details coming in next post!)

First of all, I'm over 35 weeks pregnant, which means I have less than 5 weeks til we see Jack's face.  This is good and bad-- good because I'm so excited that when I just read an article about what to pack, it made me teary because I canNOT wait-- but bad because I'm really pregnant and the-not-so-fun parts are coming on with a vengeance.  I waddle now, all the time.  I walked down the hallway at work yesterday, when no one was around and tried really really hard not to waddle and I couldn't do it :(  I also need a crane to help me roll over a night- and since I don't have one, I get sharp pains on my sides because my belly is so heavy.  The potty breaks are increasing- and every time I get up Chad grunts because I'm inconveniencing him.  (Considering the fact that I'm the one hauling this load around, I do NOT feel bad, but I do notice.)

I had my doctors appointment this week, and although the contractions are still around, pretty much non-stop, everything looked great and Jack was great and they're not worried at all.  If we make it to 37 weeks, then all should be great with him, but I'm still hoping for the full 40 and they said that that is NOT a lofty goal, as long as I continue to take it easy.  They also had me make my remaining weekly appointments- like until I'm due, and I only have 4-- FOUR!  Oh me oh my! And remember how they told me to drink more water and eat more protein?  Well for all your other people growing humans, let me tell you that I decided to drink only water- no juice, coke, tea, coffee-- anything besides water and it changed my life. If I partake of anything else, even just a small sip or two, I get heartburn- like tear me up, keep me awake all night heartburn-- even if I drink it first thing in the morning.  But if I just drink water (while eating whatever I want- spicy, red, acidy) then I get NO heartburn.  This news is about to put Tums out of business. Also, a cheese stick or a protein bar, anytime I'm feeling "funny" or pukey, snaps me back to A-ok in like 5 minutes. Seriously.  I don't know what it took me 1 and 4/5 pregnancies to figure this out, but this is pure gold, I tell ya!

Now let's talk about timing-- and let's make sure we point out that I'm a CONTROL FREAK and completely aware that I have no control over this at all!  But I really want Jack to stay in until his due date-- this is sick, I know, because last time, I was begging my first born to spring out weeks in advance, but let me explain:

1) Jack is due on my friend Danielle's birthday, and she is just wonderful, so I want them to share a birthday

2) Our Coco (Courtney), Max's sitter from the beginning, is getting hitched to the wonderful Miles on June 18th and I really really want to be at that wedding

3) My boss has a book coming out in October and things are nutty, the good kind, but busy, around the office- and the other girl working with me on this is on maternity leave herself-- so we need about 2 weeks together before I leave myself and she's not coming back until June 9th.

4) Chad is so crazy busy at work for the next few weeks that he might forget to come to the hospital or at the very least, be on his blue tooth ear phone majig through the birth!

So unless I crossover to miserable pregnant, I will not  be riding over any large bumps, jumping on any trampolines, taking any long walks, or eating anything that might encourage this child to arrive early... we're going for right on time :)

Pregnancy Highlights:
How Far Along: 35 Weeks

Size of baby: Jack is 18 inches long, and weighs about 5 and 1/4 lbs-- about the weight of a honeydew.

Total Weight Gain/Loss: I have no idea- a lot.  But I don't even know where I started, because I had abandoned the scale as my Max weight wasn't leaving as I had planned.  But let's just say my belly had really popped out since my 28 week picture...

Maternity Clothes: They are all tight- will I make it til the end?

Gender: It's a BOY! Jack Henry Bowman

Movement: Jack is a crazy man- always kicking and jabbing and dragging his limbs around- he loves putting them in my ribs- joy :) But he sleeps when I sleep so I'm great with this.

Sleep: As long as I drink water I'm pretty good, I wake up to potty twice a night and to roll which takes a lot- but the getting to sleep, staying asleep, etc, is good

What I miss: Max was more mushy in my belly, so although large and in charge, I was able to move- but Jack is rock hard- so I can't bend at all or breathe when I grab something lower than my knees and I can't even see my leg- the other day there was a bump I could feel and I had to ask Chad was it was because I can't contort myself in anyway that would allow me to see it.

Cravings: Not sure-- I get hungry but nothing ever sounds good-- although red meat is working for me.Symptoms: achy hips, potty breaks, TIRED, otherwise, pretty good.Best Moment this week: A good report at the doctorA now, without further ado on the longest blog post ever-- the 35 week picture:

(The picture never got taken :( oh well!)

Ohhh... My Max is 21 months old!

My little boy is growing up- it's pretty obvious.  And I think everyone around me is accepting of this-- except for me.  He's 21 months old today-- that's big-- that's a short step from 2, and an even shorter step from when he becomes a big brother next month.  Oh my heart.  Words and sentencing and analysis of his surroundings fly out of his mouth like it's second nature-- like he's been talking for years.  He is very expressive-- so much so, that we've begun beating "No thank you" and "Yes sir/ma'am" into him, because "No no uh huh!" and "No no Mommy" and "Uh huh" were just too much to bear.  If he was a girl, I'd call it sass, but since he's not, I'll call it "Noblitt".

[caption id="attachment_1581" align="aligncenter" width="225" caption="Max giving "the look"!"][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_1587" align="aligncenter" width="225" caption="Early Morning Soccer!"][/caption]

He's very independent most of the time- wanting to play his own way and do his own thing- although he loves my company, anytime he has it, and he loves playmates-- his favorites are his Dad, his brother, my Dad, and my brother.  But they just need to be ready to play what he is playing- golf or baseball, 24/7. He prefers to be outside- and is ready to head that direction by 7:30am- but if he's inside, he's good as long as basketball or soccer is involved... aren't those things you play inside, too? When it's just me and him at home, he has to go through the list-- "Where's Gabe?" (school)  "Where's Daddy?" (working)  "Where's Eli?" (He went bye- bye) "Where's Pop?" (at Pop's house).... and then a few hours later, we do it all again.  His memory is unbelievable-- he remembers stuff from days ago, he remembers people and names from weeks and months ago- and unfortunately, he hasn't quite grasped the "soon" "later" "tomorrow" as in yes, but not right now.  Ah!  Hopefully that is next on his list of things to learn!

[caption id="attachment_1583" align="aligncenter" width="225" caption="His favorite golf club!"][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_1586" align="aligncenter" width="225" caption=""I jumpin!""][/caption]

Recently Max has also become more clingy- wants to be right next me, like cheek on cheek, and when we're sitting on the couch, he prefers to have his arm draped across my belly.  I think he knows something is coming-- there is new stuff around our house, and we're moving furniture to fit bassinets and swings, etc... I'm waddling... Chad is fussing over me doing too much... instead of being on the go, we're staying home-- he knows!  I can't turn down the extra loving and cuddles- actually I'm soaking it up and can't think of much better- but with this comes bad attitudes towards others like his Dad or our sitters when they arrive.  I want to find the balance here- making sure disrespect isn't tolerated, but of course letting him know how very loved he is-- I guess the balancing act begins now!

[caption id="attachment_1585" align="aligncenter" width="225" caption="Max's favorite pass time: Jumping on the Bed!"][/caption]

We've also entered into the realm of obedience.  If you were a fly on our wall, you'd hear me tell Max to obey or ask him if he is obeying at least 10 times a day.  You'd also witness a couple daily spanking surrounding this issue as well.  Even though I warn him that a spanking is come, his face is filled with such shock that I actually followed through but we're already seeing a difference in his obedience.  The phrase "Max you need to obey or you're going to get spanked" goes a long way.  He's begun jumping to action immediately this week! (Thank goodness because this child makes me a softy and I HATE spanking him!)

[caption id="attachment_1582" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="Brothers enjoy shakes and cheese fries"][/caption]

His stats are basically the same-- at this point, he's still in his 18 month pj's because I plan to buy the next size for warmer weather but our nights are still cool, but all his other clothes are 24 months- and he can even swing a 2T t-shirt.  We moved up a sock size, yahoo, and he's still right at 27 lbs, leaving him in size 4 diapers for a while longer.  This weekend, we're trying the big boy bed for 3 nights- committed to fighting it as need be- but if it doesn't seem to take after those 3 nights, then back to the crib and we'll try again in a couple months.  We don't need him in his big boy bed for a while, we just don't want him to associate losing his bed with that new little baby that's about to rock Max's world in more ways than one!

[caption id="attachment_1584" align="aligncenter" width="225" caption="Too soon?"][/caption]

Max, my dear, you make my world a better place.  I love how you think and how you play, I love your fingers and your toes, and even your little runny nose!  Your big boy hair cut, round cheeks, and big blue eyes melt me every time.  There is just no way I can get enough of you.  One of your newest phrases is "Mommy hold you" and you come to me with your arms open wide- whether I'm sitting or standing or sleeping or working or cleaning, it's music to my ears.  Yes son, I will hold you- I'll always hold you!  Thank you for challenging me to be a better Mommy and to be more like Jesus- it's hard work, but the fruit is so sweet.  I really hope that the Fruit of the Spirit will reside in you one day too-- it's really amazing what Jesus does to His children, from the inside out.  It's truly beautiful.  Thanks for being my boy-- 21 months is awesome- can't wait for more!  I love you, Max!

All Graduated!

This past weekend, my baby brother graduated from college.  From college!  That's right folks- he's all grown up-- an adult, heading out into the big bad world.  I want to warn him about bills, and people who try to rip you off.  I want to advise him on insurance policies and what "benefits" are really benefits when it comes to accepting a new job.  I want to tell him all the things I didn't do so well, or that I wish I would've done differently, and of course, let him know that our Dad was right when it comes to our savings accounts.  But then on the other hand, I've been mothering the poor child since he was born, and why would he listen to me anyway... I didn't listen to others when it was my turn.

[caption id="attachment_1571" align="aligncenter" width="224" caption="The Graduate"][/caption]

So we headed to Athens, GA for the weekend-- home of the very wonderful and amazing University of Georgia.   As we pulled into town, I couldn't help but think about my time there.  I loved college- I loved Athens- and I love the Dawgs.  I had incredible friends, learned so much about myself and grew like crazy in my walk with the Lord during my time there. It was a funny homesick-like feeling I got upon arrival.  I couldn't help but laugh about how things had changed-- back in my haydays, I drove around in my sporty Acura Integra, I was a skinny tan girl who lived with her closest friends, and hung out with the rest of my friends almost daily.  School was easy, had a great job working at a preschool, the on-campus ministry I was apart of was rockin and ran around happy as a clam.  Well on Friday, I showed up in MY minivan, full with husband, my step son, my one year old and my pregnant self.  My my how things change!  I think the only thing that is the same is the Jesus that lives in my heart.

[caption id="attachment_1570" align="aligncenter" width="225" caption="The best picture ever taken!"][/caption]

So anyway, off that tangent and back to my point:  Eli's graduation!

Eli is great.  He is a one of a kind guy- for real.  I totally understand that I am biased, but he busts his butt and works really hard-- and after being married to a hard worker for a couple years, I realize what a huge asset that is when growing a family.  He graduated with 2 majors and a minor-- with honors.  He worked, too (though not enough if you ask my parents.... :) ) AND he is an incredible uncle.  Oh my goodness- you should see him with my children.  I'm not too keen on "male" sitters but I'd leave the boys with Uncle Eli in a hot second.  And I'd leave all day if I need to.  Eli is "on call" for Max duty when I go into labor- he's driving to our house to keep the little tyke until my Mom makes it down from Indy.  Like I might have to call him in the middle of the night.  AND he is totally ok with it!  What other 23 year old man do you know that is like that?  Who gives of what little free time he has to come keep Max for free?  Or play outside with Gabe?  And the gas alone, to get from Athens to Woodstock ain't cheap!

[caption id="attachment_1576" align="aligncenter" width="225" caption="Gabe and Max at Herty Field"][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_1575" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="Max and Pop at lunch"][/caption]

Again, I digress.  So he graduated- and we were all there- my parents, and Sam, and my family- both sides of grandparents, and Eli's leading lady, who is also named Lauren.  (I actually had to steal this pictures from Eli's Lauren because she actually remembered her camera for this occasion... imagine that.)  We had a fun day full of celebrations, and food, and a really really long processional, family, and pride in our little Eli.... who just so happens to be bigger taller than me.  (I can't see bigger, per say. because I'm as big as a house at this point, but ask me again in a month or so....)

[caption id="attachment_1573" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="The LONGEST processional ever......................"][/caption]

(Did you notice how the students left in the stands on the far right spell "F-I-R-E"-- Gabe noticed that during the longest processional ever!)

[caption id="attachment_1577" align="aligncenter" width="224" caption="Max drawing during the longest processional ever!"][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_1572" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="Eli and his Lauren"][/caption]

So Congrats Eli and the Class of 2011.  I can't wait to see what God has for you now!

What Are The Chances-- Prayers Please!!

Back in January, Fabienne (who I know a teeny bit from college, but mostly because of her now friendship with Anna) and I threw a baby sprinkle for Anna.  As you know, Anna was pregnant with Baby Evie and she already had/has Elizabeth Grace, who is now 2.  Well the hostesses of the shower (me and Fabienne) we both also pregnant at the shower, with our second, as well.  Both boys-- following our other little boys.  So we were all pregnant and growing the same thing we had already grown.

Welp, in February, Evie came into the world a bit early... at 31 weeks.  It was a little adventure for us all but GOD was so huge and so awesome, He just took care of it all, and whipped it into a lovely God-story that we'll all be telling for years to come.

Then in April, Fabienne's water broke while she was 26 weeks- yes, you read that correctly... 26 weeks.  She has been in a bed at the hospital ever since, hoping to keep baby Heath in until 34 weeks-ish.  Fabienne is a stay at home mom who takes her job VERY seriously, so this has not been fun for her-- she has been wanting to be home with Clarke (2 yrs old) while continuing to grow a healthy baby Heath... which really isn't a super lofty goal- just a normal flow of events.

Shortly after Fabienne was admitted to the hospital, my "signs of early labor" happened as well, and my activity was limited, although bed rest, hospitals, tests, etc.... were NOT implemented.  By this point, Anna, who has lived through it all, with a been there, done that outlook on the whole NICU experience was fit to be tied.  Let's just keep these babies inside, where they're supposed to be, for 40 weeks, enough already!  Naturally, Anna cooked us dinner and began lecturing me about staying on the couch and making sure Chad helps.

Well, things got a little scary last night- Fabienne began having contractions and had to have an emergency c-section in the wee hours of the morning.  This is not the news anyone was hoping for, BUT once again, God is so all over this.  He sent Fabienne's mom to her house for the week, and had Fabienne's husband get back from a trip, just in time for all of this-- the mom (grandma) got to be with Clarke and David, the husband, was able to be with Fabienne, without any arranging or panicking.  AND although tiny (3 lbs) baby Heath is doing well with no out of the ordinary cause for concerns, beyond that of a baby who was born at 29 weeks.  He even scored an 8/9 on the Apgar test.  CRAZY.

So once again your prayers are needed-- for all of them!  For Heath's health and for him to stay infection-free, and for his little body to keep growing stronger and stronger.  Pray for Fabienne, as she recovers as well, and then for them as a family, as they walk out this time in their lives, full of unknowns.

While talking to Robert (Anna's husband) to find out about these details, it became obvious once again, just how IN CONTROL that God is-- something that I take for granted most of the time.  But let's be honest, He is SO on top of this situation.  I want that to rule my heart-- He, the CREATOR and HEALER and SUSTAINER of the world, has got ALL of this under control.  I can't even begin to understand the peace that we can all find, if we rest there.