A Heavy Heart

Do you ever just get overwhelmed with sadness?  I'm just heavy right now.  And none of the stories are mine- and none of them are touching me directly- but somehow, they all seem to affect my soul.

Leslie Evans:  A young lady my age, married a man with 3 children, 2 years after his wife/ their mother had died from Breast cancer.  Shortly after getting married, they discovered they were pregnant, WITH twins.  They were elated.  But then she went into labor early, and the twins were born at about 21 weeks, and did not live.  Shortly after giving birth, Leslie went into cardiac arrest.  She was down for 17 minutes before they could revive.  Leslie passed away October 7, 2010.

I have been following her blog, reading her story, watching videos of her life, and I cannot put into words the hurt in my chest.  I've been praying for this family I don't know, and asking God to bring them peace.  I don't understand why He allowed this man to lose 2 wives, and these children to lose 2 mom's.  I don't understand why her body couldn't carry the babies full term, and why the water had to break early.  I don't understand why these parents lost their daughter, and a brother lost his sister.  And that's not even touching on the friends that lost, too.  Honestly, I just can't make any sense of it.  And I don't know her.

(A blog about her:  http://lesliejoyevans.blogspot.com/)  (Very worth starting at the beginning)

Lila:  My co-worker, Cherie, has a 3 year old niece who went to the doctor on Monday for a cough, and was sent straight to Children's Healthcare for Leukemia.  This little girl will start chemo tomorrow that will last for the next 2 years.  And Lila's mom, who lost her own mother to cancer, has to watch her baby, lay in a bed, while chemicals fill her body in order to fight this nasty disease.  Meanwhile, Lila's father also has a type of inoperable brain cancer, that will eventually take his life, although he doesn't have any effects/ problems with it now.

I've got to say, I just don't understand this either.  As a mom, my insides scream upon hearing this story.  When Cherie told me about this yesterday, I cried, and as I type about it today, I still cry.  When it comes to Leukemia, she has the "good kind" but parents take their kids to the doctor for strep- not leukemia.  And I can not imagine how powerless and helpless it must feel, to be a parent, watching something like this.  Again, I don't understand.

Kate McRae:  I have been following this little girl's story for over a year.  Right before she was supposed to start kindergarden, Kate was diagnosed with brain cancer. They were able to remove a portion of the tumor, but due to location, couldn't get all of it.  This little girl has been going through new treatments to try to beat this malignant cancer.  Her parent's faith and prayers are edifying and real.  You can hear hurt in her mother's typing, yet total reliance on God.  Again, parents with no control, nothing they can do to change the situation, and at this point, they just wait to see if the treatment worked.  They go back periodically for MRI's and other tests hoping to hear that the tumor hasn't grown, but expecting/ dreading the worst.  All they can do is wait.

Her prayer blog:  http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/mcraekate

** These are by no means all the stories about stuff like this, I totally understand that-- these are just the ones on my heart and mind right now.

Stuff like this makes me just want to put my people in a bubble to protect them.  It makes me want to use my time to write them love notes, and kiss them all over.  I mean what if?

But chances are, this won't happen to us.  And I'm pretty sure that trying to explain to God that I was too crippled by what might've happened to actually discipline my kids or train them, or too worried about what could've happened to love my neighbors and serve my husband, and too consumed with fear to spread the Good News, wouldn't be a good conversation to have with the Creator of the Universe, and a God that willingly gave his perfect son's life for my sin, so that I could spend eternity with Him.

I am not one to question God, and this is not to say that understand everything.  I do NOT.  But that is because He is God and I am not- and I don't have to understand everything- I just have to trust him.  But if I'm honest, that's not always easy.  I know He's BIG and I know He's LOVE and I know He's FORGIVING.  So tonight, I just pray that have the courage to be the wife, mom, friend, co-worker, daughter, sister, etc that God has called me to be, and that I'll surrender control to the only ONE who deserves, God. Tonight I am casting other people's burdens on Him- to God be the glory, forever, amen!

Monday Funday

So yesterday seemed like just the normal Monday... Chad and I both headed out to work and did our thing.  Gabe had the day off from school and went to the pumpkin patch with his mom and his grandparents, and Max spent the morning with his sitter.  I rolled in right after lunch like normal, hugged my boy like normal, and started about our normal business.

UNTIL...

A wild hair hit me!

I called Chad and said "Let's go to the Braves game tonight".  His obvious reply, "But we don't have tickets".  So I told him I'd work on it and call him back.  At about 2:45 yesterday, less than 5 hours before the game, I found some tickets online and bought them.

Max took his afternoon nap, I did some work, then I loaded up my boy and headed south...

This was without Chad, because Chad was working south of the airport yesterday.

So naturally, we did what anybody would do- he headed to a truck stop to shower, and I brought him clean clothes and body wash.  Now the obvious question:  Who knew you could shower at truck stops?  AND where do you even find a truck stop in downtown Atl?

Well, Chad knew, thanks to his cross country driving, post Hurricane Katrina.  Apparently, you can pay $5 to use a shower.  So with the help of his handy dandy iphone, he found a truck stop just south of the Stadium, I dropped his stuff off to him (and kept driving around while he showered because truckerland made me nervous) and then we headed to the game.



This part of the story really makes me laugh!  He showered at a TRUCK STOP just 37 miles from our house... thank you Atlanta traffic for being so awesome.  That just makes the spontaneity that much better!



Now our seats were at the top, but the stadium was packed and rowdy, and there was hope through the entire game- which are always the best games!  Max loves the energy at the stadium, and doing the chop, and it was so fun to be at Bobby's last game. When you grow up in the south, Bobby is baseball.  And Bobby is the Braves.

[caption id="attachment_1057" align="aligncenter" width="225" caption="(that's Bobby on the screen!)"][/caption]

I'm so glad we decided to be wild and crazy.  It was a late night, especially for the little man, but he was a champ.  And although the game didn't end with a "W", it was still an awesome night to be a Braves fan!  Go Braves, and thank you for our Monday Funday!

The Weekend to End Breast Cancer: Check!

So almost 2 weeks later (because better late than never, right?) I wanted to give you the low down on the breast cancer walk.  It was really a very cool experience- being a part of something so much bigger than myself- walking with survivors, fighters, and people who have lost loved ones.  There were people cheering and people crying-- without sounds too cheesy, it was really moving.

My mom and I walked together, and my Mamaw, currently cancer free herself, provided us with our t-shirts.  It's one of those things that everyone should do at least once- it brings a lot of perspective to your life!  And it was an honor to walk for Mamaw and her fight with that dumb, horrible, nasty, awful C-word.

Also, I wanted to make a special thank you to all of my supporters-- with your help, I was able to reach my goal.  Thank you friends and family, thank you thank you!

[caption id="attachment_1045" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="The Opening Ceremony"][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_1046" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="The goose bumps on this GA gal's legs in the IN weather"][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_1047" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="me and my mom at lunch"][/caption]

Max also had fun in Indy-- it was nice to get away from our normal daily-ness and see lots of family.  Both sets of my grandparents were there- and they each love the chance to hug on (and laugh at) Max.  We got to celebrate my Mamaw's birthday, and I got to see a lot of my cousins too.  And let's be honest, Max was SPOILED.

He got another fire truck, because he clearly needs one in Indiana and one in Georgia... or so his Annie thinks!



He got several other new toys during a trip to target



And he had some man time with my Dad and brother, which included Dairy Queen.

[caption id="attachment_1048" align="aligncenter" width="225" caption="(Doesn't he look like such a little man in this picture?)"][/caption]

Every time I think about the life Max leads, I just shake my head in agony- I'm mean he has it so rough- no love, no toys, no friends, no treats, nothing.

And to reward me for taking him to the land of spoils, Max screamed BLOODY MURDER all the way home on the plane.  He was pulling at his ears, and thrashing around.  He was exhausted-- but too upset to just give it up.  The people all around me on the plane were gracious (except for the flight attendant who needed a knuckle sandwich)- but I have NEVER felt so embarrassed my whole life.  I had no control over the situation, all I could do was sit and hold him, and try (for an HOUR) to calm him down. By the time we got off the plane, I was the one crying.  But we survived.  And we're stronger for it.... at least I am!

The Opposite Sex and Other Embarrassing Pictures

*NOTE: Certain pictures were removed after some disturbing online data

Every kid has those bath time pictures that come back to haunt them later in life.  Mine were always with my brothers.  Once, Sam, the middle brother, wanted to get in the bath with me so badly, that he jumped in with all his clothes on.  He was just a toddler with jeans on, and he immediately realized that wet jeans weren't the way to go.  We have a picture of him standing, clothed and sopping wet, in the tub with me-- he's crying and I'm laughing.

Well, Max had his first experience with that... and it was with the opposite sex... me and Anna are GLEEK's and wanted to watch the Britney Spears GLEE episode together.  So we fed the kids at my house and put them in the bath together and got them ready for bed...

Elizabeth Grace didn't really want to get in the bath because she doesn't like bubbles- but she enjoyed playing with Max from the outside.  She also liked holding his hand... and obviously Max's grin shows he's a fan as well.... oh the whole opposite sex thing, it starts early, doesn't it?

They might kill us because of these pictures later in life- flaunting their business all about- but for now, it's so cute!  Elizabeth Grace did get in the tub once the bubbles were washed down and then she wore Max's "Captain Adorable" pjs- I'm not sure why I didn't capture that on film, but it was quite adorable, that's for sure!

On a slightly different, but still embarrassing, note, one of Max's new favorite things to do is to go into my bathroom... any chance he gets, and get out a headband.  His favorite is the red one and he loves wearing it.  When it's on his head, there is a proud grin plastered across his face-- priceless!





Oh, kids these days! Now that I'm a mom, and I get to laugh at my little guy so often, I totally understand and appreciate (almost) the torture my parents put us through on film... the bathtub scenes, the tape on the nose, etc...

Child Abuse

Last weekend, me and Max went to Indiana for a long weekend to see my parents, and grandparents, and my mom and I participated in a breast cancer walk (more on that later).  Well, while we were there, I abused my child- twice!

As a parent, you do stupid things from time to time-- like I walk into a room, without thinking through Max's head location and I knock his noggin on the door frame.  I have bumped his head on the top of the car, while getting him in and out of his seat, no less than 100 times in his first year.  Now that he crawls and walks, I have stepped on his fingers and knocked him over a few times too. Really, it's just super hard to be a baby.

But it gets worse.

While on our way to Indy, Max was charming ladies on the plane.  Then as soon as we landed and came through the terminal, my Dad was waiting on Max with open arms.  After collecting the baggage, we drove to my parent's house about 30 minutes away.  As soon as we walked in the door, my mom snatched him and began playing with him and kissing him all over.  Sounds like love, huh?  Certainly not child abuse.

Well, here's the kicker- somewhere along the way, Max pooped, and I did not know it.  I could not smell it and it was not typical "pooping time" for him.  So when I finally changed his diaper- hours after the last diaper change- his hiney was BRIGHT red, with a raised diaper rash.  He screamed while I tried to clean him. SCREAMED.  And although I would like to blame this on some sort of allergy or ongoing problem, I can not- he is not allergic to anything we know of at this point, and he has never had a diaper rash in his whole 13 months of life.

The worst part?  It got more painful before it got better- and it lasted for several day.  All because his mean mother didn't change his diaper.

The best part?  He had to go around without a diaper so he could dry out and I got these pictures :)









But the child could not get a break.  The abuse did not end there.

One day during our visit, my mom and I, took Max out and about as we ran errands.  We went to target, and Macy's, and MacAlister's for lunch, before stopping at the grocery store to fill up the pantry.  Throughout it all, Max was hunching over funny and wouldn't sit up straight in his car seat, high chair, or the carts.  I kept fixing him and tightening the buckles, and he would tuck his chin and growl at me.  In my own defense, the child was tired- my Dad makes it his goal in life to make sure that Max doesn't have to fuss for any reason, so he doesn't go to bed until he's ready to just lay down and sleep- so I just thought Max had a bad attitude from sleep deprivation.  My mom and I kept laughing at him, and even growling back so that he would growl at us again.  (I think this is called antagonizing...)

After all was said and done, we arrived at home, and I went to change his diaper for nap time.  As soon as I got his shorts off him, I noticed that there was something in his onesie-- right on his spine... it was one of those HARD, PLASTIC numbers, with SHARP edges, the have a magnet on the back that you can stick on the fridge to spell out things and count.  While playing with all the letters early that morning (as in 4-5 hours before this nap time), Max must've dropped it down his shirt.  While we were on our errands, I changed his diaper and didn't notice it.  So for 4-5 hours, this little, yellow "7" was digging INTO the baby's back.  His spine was literally bruise (from my sitting him back up and buckling him tighter!) and he had red indentions all over (from the car seat and me changing his diaper!) and he hadn't cried or complained, he had merely growled.

But let me make this public profession:  I, Lauren, felt HORRIBLE about the abuse I heaped on my child.  I will do my very best to be much more careful with this precious little man, my favorite punkin pie, the apple of my eye.

Wedding Weekend

This weekend, the last of the Porton Posse tied the knot.  And it was so much fun that I decided to make a top 10 list:

10 reasons why weekend weekend was wonderful:

# 1. Wendy and Brian Mitchell are now WENDY AND BRIAN MITCHELL!



# 2. It was a gorgeous fall day, and the reception was at a barn and it was decorated beautifully and they served amazing chicken with goat cheese, sweet potato casserole and the yummiest cupcakes AND Little Debbies (thank you Brian!)

# 3. Carlton made this face



# 4. Uncle Eli came and spent the weekend with us, so he could keep the boys and they had so much fun that Gabe asked if we would please leave again-- He is so good with the boys, Eli is going to make  a great dad!  He even kept my house clean and unloaded the dishwasher and did dishes- we all love when he comes around!





# 5. My bffaa, Ruth and I got to read scripture- we were honored to be a part of the cermony



# 6. The McCords (seen below) rode with us in the swagger wagon... you've truely "arrived" when you get to drive up to a wedding, with your dear friends, in your mini-van.



# 7. This hotness was my date!  (He even came home with me after the wedding!!)



# 8. This was the last PP wedding... we're all hitched now!  (Not pictured: Jill and Jonathan were in Colorado visiting family and going to the UGA game- they were missed!)



# 9. We got to have a dance party- and we even danced to Baby Got Back-- this was super fun since I now have more "back" than I've had in the past (thank you Max)



AND #10 Mine and Ruth's shoes were so sassy and amazing that they hurt our feet, so we had to sit in chairs a lot towards the end of the night.  But then the Journey song came on, and we had to dance (while still sitting in chairs) in honor of Finn and Rachel (GLEE!) and Chad caught it on video.  (Note:  I had one glass of wine all night- so no, alcohol is not to be blamed, we are just this amazing... or as Chad says "you two were acting a fool") (Note #2: Our table was the last table before the dance floor, hence all the beer bottles on the table- those are not ours):



It was a great weekend and a wonderful wedding.  It's so fun to watch God bring people together- especially these two :)  Wendy and I were friends for years, as single girls, and we got to walk through life with each other, as God brought our men into our lives and now we get to do marriage together, too! Hope y'all are having an amazing time in Costa Rica!!!  Congrats!

Home Improvement

Remember that show?  When it first started, I wasn't allowed to watch it-- maybe because it came on after my bed time- I don't remember for sure- but it was always a hot topic at the lunch table and I was the left out dork who pretended I knew what everyone was talking about... lame.  AND to make matters worse, I didn't even have a crush on JTT (Jonathan Taylor Thomas) and I didn't have his poster anywhere in my room.  Lamer.

But this post is not about that!  It is about our house... and it's being improved :)  We bought this house a year and a half ago while I was growing Max.  It's an old house- almost 40 years old- and we bought it when the market was at the bottom and got a steal of a deal! We had high hopes of all the things we were going to change and add and fix and do. We moved in May, aka the middle of Chad's busy season, then we had a new baby, and it was all down hill from there.  Not to mention the ole saying that a plumber's house always needs plumbing and a painters house always needs painting... and I'm married to a painter... and our needed a lot of painting... you see where this is going?

Well something amazing and wonderful has happened to Chad:  he has just finished the outside of our house and it is incredible.  Before the new paint, it was a dark beige/ tan on the top, horrible orange on the shutters and doors, and the brick was somehow a beachy orange color with the random mocha brick thrown in every now and then, with no rhyme or reason.  Does reading it make you cringe?  If so, you're right on track.  But now look at it:





If you ignore the yard, it just lovely and wonderful and home-y!

Another thing that has happened makes my organizer heart go pitter patter... I got a pantry!  And another work station. AND granite counter tops!  It literally doubled my space in the kitchen and it's amazing.  Chad and his Dad did it, and it looks so pretty and works just like I imagined.  I was using a black wire shelf from target- like the kind that you keep in a garage- IN my kitchen. And I really like for things to be pretty and decorated and organized and neat- so can you see why this is beautiful and wonderful?



And here is some more of the granite:

Oh beautiful!!

Before we moved in, we got new carpet.  Then Chad painted all of the old brown wood work upstairs in an antique white.  Our room, Gabe's room, and Max's room are all painted, decorated, curtained, and "done" and the downstairs got a new coat of paint as well.  We replaced the sliding glass doors that worked sometimes with pretty french doors, and we had this super weird "Mexican take out window" the looked from the kitchen to the living room- and thank goodness, Chad filled that in as well.  We're on a roll and it's becoming more and more like home!

The yard was (is) an atrosicty when we moved in... and unfortunately neither of us are yard/ gardening people.  BUT Chad did cut down tons of trees in the front flower bed, and we had several days of burning to get rid of all the brush.  We also bagged over 60 bags of debris and weeds and ugly bushes too.  My Dad spent several days cleaning out a flower bed that was similar to picture of a jungle. Now we just have a guy come mow for us until we get our next stash of cash together then we're going to build a retaining wall on the right side of the driveway, put in steps instead of the uneven and unsafe sidewalk, and even out the front yard for a nice play space.  Then we have to take down all of the trees in the front yard (cha-ching $$$$$) and then my Landscape Architecture brother Eli, will come in and do his thing, and then our yard will be set!

In the meantime, Chad has a guy lined up to come re-so our master bath-- it's like 2ft by 2ft-- apparently small bathrooms for the master were the in thing in the 70's... so the boys bathroom is 3 times the size of ours, seriously!  Then Chad also got a bid to re-tile their bathroom as well, and we'll get a new sink and renovate a few other things and we'll be set.

The list of things to do is still LONG but the progress is great and it makes driving up the driveway that much better!  Thanks for all your work Chad, it looks wonderful!