Friday, June 8, 2012

The Last Bottle

It’s the moment I was dreading for a while… you see I’m the mom that weeps and wails as the end of the first year approaches because I’m not ready for it to be over. The are so many milestones that happen right around the first birthday and it just hurts my heart to know that it’s over and that I can’t go back, re-do, re-live, or slow it down. The moment that is the hardest for me is the last bottle—this is probably overly hard because thus far both of my boys self-weaned before the 1st year marker that I was aiming for and without any notice, so I just soaked in those bottle and loved a good reason to curl up on the couch or my bed with a buddle of baby in my arms. Jack was never in particularly big hurry to finish a bottle, so I got to hold him for a long while, examine his face, his hair, his chubby hands, and of course smell him, ahhhhhhhh, delightful!

With Jack, I started giving him milk in a cup around 11 months, about once a day and cut down on one bottle. As we approached his birthday, he was drinking milk twice and only taking one bottle, and I knew we were on our last can of formula. When it was done, it was all done. So I secretly set aside the formula for the very last bottle, just in case I happened to miss when the can was empty. I warned Chad that he could have the second to last bottle but that I got the last- he didn’t seem to mind—actually he almost laughed that I was even worrying/ thinking about it.

And before I knew it- it happened… the formula ran out, and it was time to use my last ration. Oh I ached as I fixed that bottle—and this is as a mom who still hopes to have another child soon, Lord willing—can you imagine how I’ll be when we’re done done and close up the shop? Anyway, it was the morning of June 7- and luckily Max was still asleep. So me and my Jack cuddled up on my bed as I smiled at him and tried to etch it into my mind’s eye. Tears trickled down my cheeks and I loved every minute of it.

Although I’m SO sad that the bottle times are over and that he’s just going to get bigger from here, I am SO looking forward to all that is to come as well. One moment down….28273363655 to go J

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