This past Saturday morning, I woke up to wonderful contractions... the kind that hurt and are spaced exactly the same minutes apart. I laid there in the quiet stillness of our house, so excited! I just kept thinking through what the rest of the day would look like and that on the other end of it all, we would get to meet our sweet baby. I thought through what each boy would need and what to pack and when to wake them and when to start making calls and who should know... and then they slammed to a halt. Before anything even happened. Just bam, stopped, like we had hit a brick wall or something. I was so disappointed, but decided to find the silver lining... we'd still get to take to the boys to a party they'd been looking forward to for a long time, and certainly, baby would be here soon. That was obviously a trial run and the real deal would happen Saturday night or Sunday for sure...
WRONG! I'm still pregnant and having so many Braxton Hicks contractions that I forget what it's like for my stomach not to be squeezing so tight I can't breathe. But the bottom line is that it's time for this baby to disembark! I had my sights set on just making it past Jack's 35 week birth, because we didn't want to do the premie thing again-- and now that I'm 37 weeks, I totally feel PAST DUE even though I technically still have 3 weeks before that! Ahhhh!! I'm even getting the "you're still pregnant??" comments already!
There is an upside to always feeling like "it could be anytime"-- you live in the done. You don't leave dishes or piles, the laundry is completed as soon as there is a full load, all beds get fluffed and made each day, the floors are constantly vacuumed, the bathrooms are wiped down almost daily, and you're ready for whatever happens... even keeping a beach towel in your car in case your water breaks. Because you know that when/ if you have the baby, that a load of laundry left in the washer will be so sour before you remember it exists and there's a chance you won't vacuum again til the baby is 3 months old because you'll be so bleary eyed that you won't even notice the chunks on the floor!
And honestly, the only downside to having this baby is that my Jack won't be my baby anymore. I seem to grieve that hard each time-- it killed me to think that Max wouldn't be my baby, but he took to big brotherhood and mommy's little buddy so well that it ended up being a moot point. Jack has seemed to morph into a big boy over the past couple days anyway, and both Max and Jack seem to be making there way into my lap a little extra, and even Gabe seems a little more tender these days... everyone seems to know it's right around the corner and everyone seems so ready... well except for Chad :)
So little baby... this is your eviction notice.. you've been served... my skin is stretched to the max, I'm achy and anxious, you're about to fall out the front anyway, time to remove yourself from the premises and come on into our family!