Friday, August 30, 2013

On Marriage

So we were riding along in the car and Max asked when Averi and Brian were coming again. They are our sitters who keep our boys when we go out on dates, but the problem is we had a baby and forgot about dates. Oops.

Anyway, I responded something like "oh yeah, we need to have them over again really soon." (Hint, Chad, hint.)

So after a few moments of silence, Max asked "Why don't they have any boys or girls?"

Umm.... I decided that talking about premarital sex at the age of 4 would probably be a bit much and just decided to shape his over all thinking on the subject with a simple "Averi and Brian are not married yet-- you get married and then when you're ready you have a family."

Max responded with an "I know."

(Well then leave me alone so I don't have panic attacks trying to pick words for such a question little smarty pants.)

Again, some more moments of silence.

Max: "Well why do "so and so" have a girl and they got unmarried?.... guess they won't be having anymore babies."

So now I'm really sweating, because obviously divorce is something that is all around us- hello, Max has a brother from another mother, Max's Daddy is divorced, and all that really not fun stuff that will one day be openly discussed with our kids- but for now I just responded with the super mature "Who told you that?"

Max: "Mommy, I know they were married and then they got unmarried last year. (Long pause) Are you and Daddy going to get unmarried?"

AHhhhh finally a question I know how to answer! "No Max, we are married forever. God tells us in the bible that marriage is forever and we believe it's really important to obey God- when we obey Him, it's the best way. You know how sometimes you disobey Mommy and get in trouble? Well when you get unmarried, you disobey God and it causes A LOT of trouble."

I then go into how God is going to show him someone who's really special when he grows up, and he will marry her, and leave mommy and daddy and start his own family. And I add for good measure "and you'll be married forever and you'll have lots of fun and be in deep love."

His next response was the best yet, but you must know the back story first...

At the beginning of this week, Max had his first sleepover at his friend Lizzy's house. When we met up with them to pass Max off, Lizzy asked "Do you want to sleepover, Max?" And he replied, "Yes, because you're my best friend." And Lizzy responded "Well if you marry me, we can have sleepovers every night." Max grinned ear to ear but was a little taken aback by the whole thing. Let's be honest, he comes from a long line of men who don't like to share their feelings and all this marriage talk was a bit much. He also doesn't have a sister or anything that makes him play bride and groom or any of that fun stuff. And truthfully, we avoid all "girlfriend" talk with our kids because we feel really strongly that you date to find who you're going to marry, and well no one from this house is getting married anytime soon, so all of this is just a really foreign concept for him. Well Anna and I just died laughing nonetheless, and it was so sweet and hilarous. But it all never came up again.

Or so I thought.

Now back to the car discussion....

Max says "Well Lizzy wants to marry me, but maybe I'll marry Molly when she's 6 or 12. Is she two yet? When is her birthday?"

Of course I sent this information to Molly's mom (Danielle) and dad (Matt) who happens to be the family pastor at our church... he responded that he is beginning to work on a curriculum about marriage for our preschool department :)

Oh kids these days... make your mama sweat! I just pray that the Lord gives me the right words when it really counts- you never know what's going in one ear and out the other, and what is going to pop back up when you lease expect. Thank you Lord for these kiddos and these moments- but I pray you're the One shaping them through me-- not me, of my own accord!

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