Thursday, June 6, 2013

The Day I Ran Out of Diapers...

Just FYI, my mom came and got Jack yesterday for an over-nighter because he's so high maintence and needy right now that I can't even think straight. Basically I have a 1 month old who requires skin to skin for obvious reasons and then a 2 year old who also requires it, I think because the baby does, and he doesn't appreciate sharing. It gets ugly. So anyway, my mother, Lord bless her, made 24 hours of nothingness so she could do nothing but hold Jack and sing and read books. And do you know what happened? He went to bed like an angel at 8:15p and got up at 10am. That has happened zero times in the history of ever for any child I have ever given birth to. Really Jack?

But this post isn't about that. It's about the day that I, Lauren Marie Noblitt Bowman, ran out of diapers. Just that statement alone is monumental in itself because I'm known for being prepared- like over the top, embarrassingly so. I pack weeks before a trip, I plan months before a party, and if there's a chance of a change in weather, you can bet I'm prepared. This is also the reason that I always seem to be carrying a lot!

Anyway. So Tuesday, Chad left at the crack of dawn, reminding me that he would be home in time to fall into bed himself, and in my "I get up to feed a baby so mornings are a little rougher these days" fog, I nodded, rolled over, and continued snoozing. For about 9 more minutes. At which time Max showed up "hungry" and began the "will you get me's". But that's neither here not there.

So Tuesday, no husband, no problem. I'm a praying woman, so I beseech the Lord for a days worth of extras in all the areas I'm running dry, and before I know it, we've been to the Library, the park, Sonic for cheeseburgers and slushies, and all the babes are down for a nap. I take a hint and crawl in my own bed... Until the J-man who always naps for at least 2.5 hours blesses me with his shouts 1.5 hours early. I walk into his room and get slammed with a stench- hence the early waking- and so he got fresh pants at which time I noticed that the diapers were really low. But I have his little diaper bag for backup and the shared diaper bag for back up backup (prepared, remember?) so I decided to play with fire and make it a "to-do" for tomorrow because I was NOT loading up the 4 boys yet again. I was all out in that department. 

And then something bad happened... Jack's new molars did something to his insides and the child went through 5 diapers in 30 minutes. And somehow I managed to put him in the last one in our whole house without knowing it, while barely making it to dinner time. At this point all the people are whining and needy but luckily I can see the light at the end of the tunnel... It's bath and bed time, folks! I start to gather pj's and wait, there's no diaper. Not. even. one. Any. Where. 

I panic.

My mind races.

I panic some more.

It's 7:36 and I'm going to load up 4 boys and go to the grocery store. Fail. Like monumental. I send Gabe to the car with Max and Jack and I strap the baby in his seat. And I make a rash decision to strip my list off the side of the fridge, finish out the menu for the rest of the week, and get any groceries we might need for the remainder of the week, because if I have to go on Tuesday night, after bed time, with 4 boys, I better NOT have to go again for at least 5 days, come hell or high-water. The boys are in the car sweating, literally, as I dash around like a nut and finally plop in the driver's seat and blast the AC and some kid songs CD all the way to Kroger.

After getting Max and Jack into the car cart, the baby's seat into the basket, and instructing Gabe that he has to walk in front or behind because we are just too wide for him to walk beside me, we're off, in search of all the things on my list in 20 minutes or less, help me Jesus! (Side note: Gabe decides to walk in front and gets Max to honk the car horn every time I stop the cart to notify him to stop. I seriously appreciate the cleverness and teamwork in this plan!)

I grab the diapers first, in case we hve to bail at any point, and before I know it, my whole list is crossed off and all 4 Bowman boys have behaved beautifully. So naturally this calls for ice cream. For me. Ice cream of my choosing of course, which is how Heath Klondike Bars ended up in the cart, and like all moms have the ability of doing, this happened without any boy noticing... well baby Sam may have noticed but he's sworn to secrecy. Everyone starts to get cranky in the check out, while every employee convenes to gush over the 4 blonde hair blue eyed boys and gives me the "are you going to try for a girl?" and "oh you poor thing" a million times and I just bite my tongue for fear of screaming "get me outta here, can't you see I'm sweating and they're screeching?" So here is where I make my second terrible decision of the day- you'd think the waiting til tomorrow for diapers would've been enough, but no, I like to torture myself, so I waved the ice cream in front of them and promised they could have one at home, if they ceased all noise until they saw our driveway.

And tht is exactly what they did, which is why I found myself stripping down ice cream covered, bug spray covered, sweat covered boys 20 minutes later... Shoulda kept the ice cream all to myself, dumbo! But alas, after everyone showered and dressed and we met in Jack's room for one big family prayer because I didn't have the energy to pray and sing with each boy, I throw them all into the appropriate beds. DONE!

I collapsed onto the couch- my back hurt, I was still kicking myself of the stupidity, my teeth are still clenched, and yet I had made it. Barely. That's when I clicked over to Facebook, Klondike bar in hand, to see what comments, if any, I had gotten since posting my debacle for the world to see... AND I DIED. They were sweet, funny, resourceful, helpful, sympathizing, and could not have been more perfect if any way shape or form. And people knew this required ice cream! Hallelujah!

And so I fell into my own bed, at 9:47, with a grin on my face, because I knew I was the most blessed lady on this planet. 

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