Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Rationally Irrational

I rarely shower in the mornings anymore for two reasons-- 1) I don't go to work and 2) I do go to the gym at some point in the day, which when combined, moves my shower time to the evening hours. Naturally this leads to me donning one of Chad's softer, non-form fitting t-shirts and some pj pants as soon as I'm clean, which then always results in him saying "why are you wearing my shirt?" and Max saying, "why are you wearing Daddy's shirt?" To which I want to reply because that is why I got married-- to inherit a whole other drawer of t-shirts which are bigger than my own and feel way better on and since I would never pay money for shirts like this of my own, this is the only rational way to get one. It's one of the "perks" if you will, and it goes a long way.

Now my guess is that Chad isn't super impressed by the pj choice, but considering our number of kids to years of marriage ratio, I'd also say it isn't really causing a problem. Which leads to my next (and main) point.

When women marry men, they inherit bigger, more comfy clothes. These serve them well for pj's, frumpy and sick days, and any other time that we say so. And most importantly, pregnancy. Well unless you're me and your husband weighs about what you weigh when you workout everyday... And he's 6 inches taller. I'd like to point out that it isn't like he doesn't have muscle- he does, but it's like his bones are filled with air and mine are filled with lead. Now let's add a baby to the oven... And the pounds that come with it. It isn't right. It isn't fair. It's down right cruel!

Now I understand that some people gain like no weight-- that is NOT me-- when I do pregnant, I do PREGgg-Nannnt! I get about half way in and Chad's "big" "loose" "comfy" t-shirts no longer make it over my head-- I swear even my head grows when I'm with child. They even squeeze my arms. I've recently discussed this with a girl at the gym and my newly un-pregnant friend, Danielle, both of whom also suffer from this same plight, and we feel like we're being cheated. The point of marriage is to have some back up clothes that swallow you and make you feel so tiny and dainty, especially when you're pregnant. Their t-shirts and their pj pants are supposed to serve as a safe place, but if you can just picture someone trying to squeeze 10lbs of pooh into a 5lb bag, then you've just pictured me trying to "wear" Chad's lounging pants when I'm about 30 weeks along. By 37 weeks, I'm ripping seams.

But I've got it-- I've finally figured it out. Before I get pregnant again, I must buy some new shirts for "Chad"... A size (or 2) bigger than normal and put them in his drawer. That way, when the time comes, I'll fish around in there and magically pull out a shirt that slips over my entire being, baby "bump" (aka mountain) and all. And I'll feel just as wonderful and comfortable and happy as I do now, in one of my favorite go-to tee's from his drawer. Well "comfortable" in the beached whale, I've for to pee every 5 seconds, my hips ache, will you get a forklift to help me roll over kind of way. See, I'm being completely rational about this!

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