A glimpse of heaven

When it rains, it pours, which I've experienced myself recently, but this time, I'm talking about Anna.  Shortly after Evie was born, while she was in the NICU, Anna was making the drive to visit her daily.  One morning, after dropping EG with me, she got in a little fender bender- the other car had a scape and Anna's car needed some minor repairs-- not a huge deal, just not good timing.  So then, Anna was car-less, while trying to see her baby in the NICU, and take care of Elizabeth Grace, while Robert worked daily, in order to save his vacation days for later.  But they managed.

The car stayed in the shop for a while, because they found mechanical problems as well.  So Anna would need to rent a car, while paying for the mechanical problems out of pocket because the insurance company insisted that although there were no problems prior to the wreck that there was no way the wreck had down this.  Convenient. Raining... pouring.... Then after 2ish weeks, they get their car back ONLY to have it start shaking and smoking as Robert was driving a car full of people.  Really pouring!

That is as far as the story goes for now as they wait to hear the next step in this oh-so-fun process BUT I do, selfishly, have a silver lining from this story..

So a couple days ago, Anna called and needed my help- would I come over and sit with Evie while she took my car to get groceries and pick up EG.  Um, twist my arm, but yes, I will come hold that teeny nugget of wonderful.



So while Chad was home with our wild boys, playing in the mud and digging for worm, literally, I got to sit in a absolutely silent house, hold (smell) little Miss Evie, and read my bible.  Because I wasn't at home, I couldn't take care of my to-do list, or "need" to do something else right this second, or tell Evie I'd hold her after I finished such and such.... I had nothing to do but to hold the baby and read 1 John.  Oh my goodness.  I really couldn't even contain myself.  I'm honestly not sure of the last time I heard nothing.  I'm not sure of the last time I sat down with nothing else I should be doing.  And I'm not sure of the last time I got to hold a baby that I love with no agenda or someone else waiting for their turn. And I'm not sure of the last time that I just read my bible, without time constraints or noise or distractions.

Oh what a lovely glimpse of heaven.  Just me and Jesus and a baby- how refreshing!

(When I got home, I told Chad about this experience with Heaven and he asked if I went to the bathroom-- well of course I did, I was there for over an hour and I'm 26 weeks pregnant, hello... to which he said "Not heaven-- in heaven you won't have to do that".  Why thanks for that observation, honey!)

19 on the 19th

Our little man is 19 months old today-- 19 on the 19th!  This is the pre-version of the special birthday-- I'll celebrate it again when he turns 19 years old, but I can't think about that right now!  We had a wonderful day of 90's music weekend on the radio, our friend Reed's first birthday party that was so fun, incredible weather, play time at the park with Daddy and Gabe, and then dinner with the Prusa's- this is one I'd like to repeat :)



SO Max, my most favorite 19 month old:

We're still in between 1 and 2 naps a day, your eating schedule looks the same... although Annie and Pops taught you to value cookies while you visited them, and you're very vocal about your need for one... every hour or so.  You did graduate to a size 5 shoes, hallelujah, but the rest of you is about the same... although you're rounder.  I'm sure the cookies have helped with this, but this is also how you roll- literally- just days before you grow like a weed and in turn, make all of your pants too short.



Your biggest change- your talking.  Like non-stop, in sentences, you pick up on everything and notice everything and learn wayyy too much for me to keep up with, DAILY!  On Friday you told us the coffee was hot- who even told you about coffee?  You also ask questions all the time- usually about Daddy or Gabe- Where's Gabe?  What Daddy doing? Where Daddy go?  And if it's possible, I think you're more in awe of Gabe now than you've ever been before.  And Gabe doesn't mind at all :)

[caption id="attachment_1411" align="aligncenter" width="225" caption="Waiting for Gabe to get off the bus"][/caption]

Someone also taught you the words mine and my... this is proving rough for your friends... especially in light of any sort of ball.  Because they're all yours.  Even when they're not! And the sleepier you are, the more yours they are.  I know I can't really teach you how to "share" quite yet, but you must learn that snatching is NOT ok-- and I know your little brain gets it, because when you get ready to snatch, you glance in my direction to see if I'm watching... and here's the thing, I'm ALWAYS watching.  Learn that now.  It's a mom thing- we know, we see, you can't escape it.



You also love lovins now-- oh just melt my heart.  We give bear hugs and make grunts for how hard we're hugging, you  love kisses and tell me where you want to be kissed: "kiss nose, kiss thumb, kiss otder thumb, kiss cheek"-- and let's just make this clear as well-- as long as you're asking for kisses, I'm kissing!  If you're really really busy and I ask for a hug, you'll give me a very slight lean in my direction- as if to say "that'll have to do for now Mom-- I love you, but we'll have to snuggle more later."



The weather has been incredible- and so we spend all day outside.  You're already getting little tan lines :)  And of course all you do it play ball.  You wake up saying "shoot basketball" and you go to sleep saying "hit baseball".  You're in love.  With sports.  And you even have athlete's foot to prove it.  You also like to pretend to fall down all the time-- you've made several people nervous- they've even questioned what was in your cup- but as soon as you get you're laugh, you're good to go.  You love when Gabe "falls down" too-- it makes you cackle.



I wasn't sure it was possible- but in the last month, you've stolen my heart even more.  You're incredible- your brain, your face, your personality, your love-- ahhhhh, I just can't get enough!  You've finally started saying "amen" after we pray-- now I'm just counting down until the day you say amen after asking Jesus into your heart!  Every second I get with you brings me joy- especially when I get to hold your chunky baby hand and feel your indented knuckles.  And even when you wake me up, I still enjoy my time with you. I am blessed beyond words to be your mommy and my love for you is so deep, that you're not going to find the bottom of it.  But I want to remind you that God's love it better than mine- it's deeper, which I can't even fathom, and it's perfect.  Cling to that- live that.  Thanks for being my little man.  You rock!

Desperation

Sometimes, it's the little things that reminds me of the HUGE-ness of being a mom.  The other night, during Max's bath, him and Gabe managed to soak the ENTIRE bathroom.  Honestly, this is normal, and they always have so much fun playing in there, that we really don't discourage it.  Gabe isn't in the bath with Max, but he might as well be!  By the time the water is draining, Gabe's clothes are soaked and his glasses are dripping.

That night while Chad was getting Max out of the tub, I was helping Gabe mop up the floor with his bath towel.  Then I had him put both his and Max's towel in the laundry.  We then shuffled both of them into pj's, got their teeth brushed and sent them off to bed.  Before I headed downstairs, I stopped by the bathroom for a potty break (thanks pregnancy for making this my #1 pass time). I looked over and noticed both of the empty hooks so I got out fresh towels for the boys.  And it hit me.  If I didn't get a towel out for Max, he would  never get one.  If I didn't bathe him, he would never be clean.  If I didn't change his diaper, he would never get a new, fresh diaper.  Max's depth of dependence on me overtook me in that moment.  Although this wasn't the first time I had realized this truth, I was paralyzed by the bigness of this yet again.

Gabe is a slightly different story.  I honestly think that if he were left to fend for himself, he would take showers and brush his teeth.  Chad and I were just noticing the other night how Gabe has NEVER slept through his 6:30am alarm- he doesn't even lay there for a few minutes... it goes off, he hits it, and jumps out of bed, making his way straight to the shower.  This eight year old could take care of himself.  But he is dependent on us for meals, a roof over his head, and safety... for some reason, he can't remember to look both ways before he crosses a street without a reminder!  He is also dependent on us emotionally.  He needs to talk and he needs someone to listen and respond- Gabe doesn't do alone time for more than an hour- and that's only when I "make" him go read for an hour.

God blessed us with these boys- and really there are times when I just think my skin is going to pop open because of all the love in my chest.  But He also made them dependent on me- needing me- learning from me- growing because of me. How humbling.  How huge.  The magnitude of the parenting role is so much that these words I'm fumbling and bumbling around for- I have the power to make or break these kids.  What a responsibility.  Thank goodness there is a big God leading the way.  I pray I'm attentive to His leading- I pray for Christ in me.

The other day, while praying in a small group, my friend Courtney prayed "God, despite all these blessings, we are desperate for you".  That statement has wrecked me- in a good way- this week.  Despite all these blessings, despite me being wired to be a mom, despite the joy I find in mothering, despite the gratitude and gratefulness Chad and I have for these boys-- we need God.  We are nothing, and can do nothing, a part from him.

And Baby Makes Four

A friend from church passed on this article to me, and it's a must-read for mommies!  I'm attaching it here- but I can't find a link for it- they're all protected.  But it's from Mothering.com and the author is Natalia Swenson Parker-- check it out below!  Anyway, it's all about adding baby #2 to your brode, and luckily I read it after Jack was already growing or else I may have decided that Max was enough.  I read the article one morning, over my coffee, and then promptly walked into the kitchen, BAWLING like a baby, and tried to tell Chad why we couldn't have Jack.  Being the wise one that he is, he gently explained that it was too late and could I please stop blubbering long enough to explain what was going on.

To summarize, the article is GREAT!  But it is realistic too, and the fact of the matter is that when you go from one baby to two, then hello, baby number one doesn't really get the attention they got before.  It talks about greiving that "loss" but also you're so excited that you have a new baby that you  just love and adore, and so then enters guilt.  (This is on top of the lovely hormones and irrational behaviors that accompany a new baby).  Oh my goodness, I just wasn't ready for all of this.  And what about Max?

Needless to say, women have been having more then one child forEVER and as a child with two brothers, it was NOT a big deal- it was actually great- and not just was, it is.  And my mom had enough love, and time, that we all made it out alive.  Add that in to the fact that Gabe was 6 when we had Max- so for 6 years was THE center of the universe in MANY different houses, and although he has less attention since Max, they have so much darn stinkin love for each other, that he was over it in about .05 seconds.  (Gabe is smart enough to TRY and play the "I feel left out" card, but we remind him of the 3894574389 people that love him and stop their lives for him every time he has a boo boo, or a performance at school, or a soccer game, and he quickly hides that card back in his pocket, waiting for the next time that it might work....) So I'm sure the same is true of the budding Bowman clan, we'll be fine, we'll survive, there will be love and cuddles and bonding, despite the chaos, but could you really expect me to be reasonable and rational at a time like this?

So all you seasoned moms, who have grown multiple children in your womb, what do I need to know?  What are some tricks of the trade?  Will I ever sleep again?  How do I nurse with a 22 month old running around?  How do I make sure Max still gets attention?  And that he loves his brother?  And that he knows that I love him something crazy?  And will Jack feel left out?  Or will it just be how it is for him?  Anything you got, I want to hear it!

Thanks for suffering through that emotional breakdown with me... and I'm sure this is just one of those Parenting Builds Character things!

Little Boy

If you  have a little boy or want one, this may make you cry- it's a poem my mom used to have hanging in our house.  When I was 10ish, I used to make up a new tune regularly and sing it.  The funny part is that I thought I was really original and that I could sing. Funny!

Anyway, Max has been asking to "watch bideo" which of course means he wants to watch his Baby Signing Time video- he's not much for tv or holding still for that matter, but he does like this video and if someone sits with him and does the signs, he'll stay on the couch for the full 30 minutes! So as a result of a rain day, I found myself on the couch, signing away with Max and watching his pudgy little baby hands as they talked about shoes and socks, good manners, airplanes and buses, and hand washing...

Before I knew it, I was studying his hands, trying to commit them to memory, chastising myself for not taking more time to etch them in my brain.  I couldn't for the life of me remember what they looked like 6 months ago- and then "the poem" the now hangs in our bathroom entered my mind:

Little Boy

Let me hold you a while to my heart, little boy

I am going to lose you, I know

For one terrible thing about nice little boys

Is the fact that they simply will grow

 

Do you know that you'll soon be too heavy to hold

Why, your feet even now reach the floor

Tis a very nice size if you'd only stop now

But I think you intend to grow more

 

Let me gaze in your eyes while their light is for me

Let us sing while you still like my song

Ere the hungry years carry away my small boy

I am fearing it will not be long

 

Oh, your hand is so warm and so chubby to hold

And your soft cheek invites me to kiss you

Let me hold you a while to my heart, little boy

For I think I am going to miss you

Spring Fever and Pregnancy

When I started this post, it was all about tums and how they were misnamed and should really be called "lifesavers".  It also went into detail about how Tums were the only consistent part of my day... and it wasn't food related- it was just all the time.  Like if I breathed-- which, naturally, I did! But I had decided that if 26 weeks into pregnancy, that was all I had to complain about, then really, it wasn't a complaint at all.

But somewhere along the way this weekend, some of that changed... first of all- no heartburn for DAYS in a row!  Now I don't know if Jack just stopped flipping around and is causing less of a ruckus or if the good Lord just put the kabash on it all, but regardless I'm grateful-- so very grateful!



But in the midst of wonderful weather, some other things have happened.... first of all, Chad and I spent the whole day cleaning and organizing our garage- it was a wonderful feeling, but I really think I lost my mind and forgot that I was pregnant.  I was crawling around, bending, picking up, lugging, etc... and although I was getting "the look" from protective Chad, I ignored him and kept on- hello, it was organizing-- like I was going to miss that!  BUT by the time the clock ticked 8pm that night, I could NOT walk.  Everything hurt.  And I wanted to cry.  Why yes, I most certainly was pregnant, despite how I felt otherwise!

Then, for the first 20 weeks of my pregnancy, I was "under weight"- as in, hadn't gained any lbs since we first heard the heartbeat.  This was more annoying to me than anything, because 1) I was eating, a lot- mainly because I always eat a lot. 2)I gained weight the second I got pregnant- water, hormones, something, but several pounds but those didn't count, because I showed up at my first appointment with those pounds, so there was no gain in their book 3) I NEVER lost all my weight from Max and it hung in my middle, which was plenty of room for baby Jack.  SO I had a weight complex- feeling like I wasn't taking care of Jack BUT on the other hand, knowing he had plenty of food and fat to thrive.  BUT don't you worry, I totally fixed that!  Between 20 and 25 weeks, when I had my glucose test, I managed to gain 6 pounds.  Oh yeah, 6 freaking pounds.  I almost fell OFF the scale.  I'm not sure what is worse- being told you weigh too little when you're trying to grow a human or seeing the scale jump like that!  And those pounds are very noticeable.  I look 9 months pregnant!  My clothes are right tight and by the end of the day, I think I waddle.  So far, no swelling, but it's just around the corner, I'm sure of it!  And getting off the floor, while carrying Max (and Jack) just isn't what it used to be-- I look like a 90 year old woman and I groan, too.  Oh joy... 14 more weeks!



And I got a call yesterday that my glucose test was great BUT I'm low in iron- fail!  That can cause learning disabilities and such, so needless to say, me, red meat, and leafy greens will be doing a lot of bonding in the near future.

But alas, while at my 25 week appointment last week, there was another Lauren there, IN LABOR, and it gave me the itch.  I canNOT stinkin wait to have our sweet Jack- I'm ready for it all, labor, the 3 weeks of H-E-L-L that follow birth, and sleepless nights-- I canNOT wait to meet him and hold him and carry him around and love him-- ahhhhhh!!! The countdown is ON!

MIA- and other random thoughts

We have so many upcoming blog posts that are going to be great... Chad is almost done re-doing our bathroom after completely riping out the old bathroom that would've made Carol Brady proud, and I mean down to the studs... pictures will accompany that post!

Also, I completely missed  Gabe's birthday?!  I think because Chad was in charge of pictures and only did video-- not real blog pictures...

I also need to tell you about our pillow debacle and how it's very obvious that I'm pregnant now- thank you heart burn.

Also Elizabeth Grace turned 2 yesterday and we took dinner over to their house and I got to hold baby Evie for like an hour and it was heavenly.  She wasn't supposed to be here for another month, but instead she's already  been here a month, and if you meet her, you'll know why:  She is such a sweet little baby doll that God got so excited to share her with the world, that He sent her out early!  We took Lizzy cupcakes and she was hilarious-- my favorite part was when her Daddy tried to distracted her from the pantry into the living room and she said "I'm busy right now"-- hilarious!!

I'm so grateful for all my boys and blessed that I get to hang out with Anna's girls too-- best of both worlds!

BUT Max has been on Spring Break with my parents all week and Gabe has been with his mom, and we really don't have much to show for our time kid-free... we do have a hot date tonight, and besides dinner for Lizzy's birthday, I have NOT cooked.  And we've definitely gotten more sleep... but I am SO ready for Max to come home tomorrow that I just can NOT stand it.  I cried for the first couple days he was gone (Sun/Mon/Tues) was fine yesterday (because I has other babies to hold) and then today my chest gets to full of excitement when I think about seeing him tomorrow.... I have looked at every picture of him on my iphone, daily, and all I can say when I think of that sweet face and those baby blues- is be still my heart, there is more of this to come!

Lastly, yesterday I had an OB appointment and had my glucose test-- I walked in and signed in and the receptionist started laughing... my appointment was TODAY, and I had it written on my calendar for today, and yet, I showed up a day early... They got  me in anyway, after all the giggles :)  But yesterday was the turning point- there was another Lauren there in labor and although labor isn't exactly my idea of fun, it made me so excited for my Jack to arrive that I keep wishing for him... I'm ready now!  I hope the next 14 weeks FLY by!

Ok, that is all my random thoughts for the day and I have no pictures to share because once AGAIN my computer has died and this time they cannot bring it back to life-- I poured coffee all over it, yep, I'm that awesome... 2 in one month! And my new one should be here this weekend. Pictures and blog posts with a purpose (unlike this one!) to follow.